Food jokes

A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"

The bartender says, "No bread here."

And then the duck says, "Got any bread?"

And the bartender says, "Didn't I just f***ing say that there was no bread here?"

And the duck says, "Got any bread?!"

And the bartender says, "You stupid duck! Or should I say d***? There's no bread here. Don't make me say that again, or I'll pin you to the wall with a nail."

So the duck says, "Got any nails?"

And then the bartender looks surprised, and says, "Of course I've got f***ing nails. Can't you see them?"

And the duck says, "Got any bread?"

And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.

Ok, so, a mole goes up to a snail and eats him.

It was a seven course meal if I say so myself.

What did the egg say to the blender? Nothing. It's an egg joke.

"Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it is too cheesy."

"YOU MORON ITS *TOO* not TO, IM GOING TO EAT YOU ALIVE AND RIP OUT YOUR PROSTATE"

Where do orphans go to get a happy meal?

Orph-Donald's.

What's the difference between a dead hooker and a watermelon?

The watermelon didn't scream when I sliced it.

I am a fruitcake. Why? Because I’m fruity and nutty. That’s the joke. Tada!

Q: What is the hardest part of a cabbage?

A: Wheelchair.

Beef beef beef?

TRIPLE ANGUS POUNDER BURGER XDDDDDDDD

What did the shark say after he ate the clownfish?

"This taste a little funny."

The witch doctor came in my mouth last week. First hot meal I’ve had in weeks.

Fuck burger.

The FBI said, "Open up!" I shout to them.

A person said, "Cookie sale." I opened up. He fucked me.

What’s the difference between a tuna and a tube of glue?

You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.

What happened to the glue?

I knew you would get stuck on that!

What's the difference between a bird and jam?

You can ham your cock in a bird, but you can't bird your cock in a jam.

Why are mice bad singers?

They are very cheesy.

What's a gay person's favorite meal?

Meat with white sticky stuff.

Hey Jonny, you can buy a...

Pun o' chips at the store!

What is a nut that does magic?

A human that can turn into a nut!

My name is Caleb, and I like boo and eat it.