My neighbor is like my marriage. They're both in the hole.
Hey any riding with Biden fans out there?
I ran out of gas and could really use a ride so if one of ya'll can call me and pick me up that'd be great and I can't get gas because I only have 20 bucks which is like 1-5 and a half, help me please.
So I went to the bank and a lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.
One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.
What is Johnny Depp's new legal name?
Johnny in debt.
If an orphan wins the lottery, what do they have to use all of it on?
Years of child support!
Yo mama's so poor that she only watches Frozen to hear Elsa sing "Let It Go."
What is worse than seeing your sibling drown?
Getting the water bill.
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, โPut it on my bill.โ
I am like currency; people always trade me out for someone better.
Lol, I keep stealing my dad's medication money, and the best part is he never remembers.
Why do elephants never get rich?
Because they work for peanuts!
That is a "Penny-Farthing" bicycle. Dimes if you feed it beans.
Mom: Hey hun, need some money for lunch at school?
Son: No, I got 1k already.
Mom: Wait, what, how?
Son: Mom's wallet is magic.
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boyโs testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boyโs testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, โIโve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?โ
โNo,โ the woman replied. โIโm with the Internal Revenue Service.โ
I asked my uncle why he was living on the streets.
He said that he wasn't always on the streets, he used to have a job at these two towers. I asked him what happened, and he said two planes happened.
Whatโs the best air to breathe if you want to be rich? Millionaire.
What do Boy Scouts and IG models have in common?
They both be fucking sugar daddies.
What do you call a rapper with bad credit?
Lil Borrow.
How does a rapper keep their money safe?
In a RAP VAULT.
