Finance jokes
I once went to the bank with some raisins because I wanted to set up a current account.
What's the difference between me and my best friends?
At least one of us has a house.
This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."
A Mario & Luigi joke.
What are the Mario bros' view on child support?
Mario: The parents are obligated to provide for the child and help them the best they could.
Luigi: LMAO I GOTTA GO!
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank!
I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?
What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?
"Ain't you got no cents?"
Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."
Why was the fart on Kickstarter? He just needed some gas.
"Give me 5 cents and I’ll grant you a wish."
Ok.
"Thank you, what is your wish?"
I wish for my 5 cents back.
What is 50 Cent's least favorite store?
The dollar store.
Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarterback!
One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."
I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.
Nah! You're so poor, you can't afford free stuff!
Your so broke your mom can't afford your daddy.
The gayest person in the world is Pacman, because I can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"
I just donated $100 to a blind children's charity, suck that no one will see it.
Time for a Terraria joke.
What is a worm called when it is with a rich worm for his money?
A gold digger.
(play the game or watch some vids to understand)
Why did the credit card go to jail?
'Cuz it was guilty as charged!