Finance jokes
What do you call inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
Your hairline is what caused the Great Depression.
Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.
Nah! You're so poor, you can't afford free stuff!
Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.
What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?
"Ain't you got no cents?"
Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."
Teacher: “If you got ten dollars from ten people, what would you have?”
Johnny: “A new bike!”
This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.
... It was a bittersweet victory.
Boy: Hello, Mom, can I have $50?
Mom: Does it look like I am made of money?
Boy: That's what M.O.M. means, right?
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
To buy a house.
A Mario & Luigi joke.
What are the Mario bros' view on child support?
Mario: The parents are obligated to provide for the child and help them the best they could.
Luigi: LMAO I GOTTA GO!
I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank!
Why did the credit card go to jail?
'Cuz it was guilty as charged!
Your so broke your mom can't afford your daddy.
The gayest person in the world is Pacman, because I can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"
I just donated $100 to a blind children's charity, suck that no one will see it.
A man entered the bank branch and asked the teller to withdraw his account balance. The teller debited his account and gave the man all his money. Then the man counted the money and asked the teller to deposit it back into his account.
The teller asked the man why he withdrew the money and deposited it back. Then the man replied, "I wanted to make sure all my money is safe and tallies with my records."
Lol