Finance jokes
What's the difference between me and my best friends?
At least one of us has a house.
Boy: Hello, Mom, can I have $50?
Mom: Does it look like I am made of money?
Boy: That's what M.O.M. means, right?
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
To buy a house.
This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.
... It was a bittersweet victory.
I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?
A Mario & Luigi joke.
What are the Mario bros' view on child support?
Mario: The parents are obligated to provide for the child and help them the best they could.
Luigi: LMAO I GOTTA GO!
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank!
"Give me 5 cents and I’ll grant you a wish."
Ok.
"Thank you, what is your wish?"
I wish for my 5 cents back.
Why was the fart on Kickstarter? He just needed some gas.
What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?
"Ain't you got no cents?"
Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."
I once went to the bank with some raisins because I wanted to set up a current account.
One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."
What is 50 Cent's least favorite store?
The dollar store.
Your so broke your mom can't afford your daddy.
The gayest person in the world is Pacman, because I can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.
Why did the credit card go to jail?
'Cuz it was guilty as charged!
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"
I just donated $100 to a blind children's charity, suck that no one will see it.
A man entered the bank branch and asked the teller to withdraw his account balance. The teller debited his account and gave the man all his money. Then the man counted the money and asked the teller to deposit it back into his account.
The teller asked the man why he withdrew the money and deposited it back. Then the man replied, "I wanted to make sure all my money is safe and tallies with my records."
Lol