3.14% of sailors are…

π-rates.

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I’ve made wet this year to -1.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? – The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.

An infinite amount of mathematicians walked into a bar. The first ordered a pint, the second ordered a half pint, the third ordered a fourth-pint, etc. The Bartender eventually walked up and gave them two pints and said: “you mathematicians don’t know your limits.”

4, 6, 8 and 9 have all been killed. – 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11 are the prime suspects.

Where do mathematicians go to die?

The symmetry

If Al Gore started a math rock band it should be called Algorhythm.

Why don’t Romans find algebra interesting?

X is always 10.

A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m. and his wife is livid. “You swore that you’d be home by 11:45!” “No,” slurs the mathematician, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil

Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.

Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations?

Because they don’t believe in higher powers.

The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi

An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: “Assume we have a can opener…”

How does a mathematician get tan? – sin/cos.

I had a conversation with a Möbius strip. – It was one-sided.

What does the B in Benoît B. Mandelbrot stand for?

Benoît B. Mandelbrot

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