Mathematician jokes
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers, and says, "You guys should know your limits."
3.14% of sailors are... π-rates.
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m., and his wife is livid. "You swore that you'd be home by 11:45!"
"No," slurs the mathematician, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
Why don't Romans find algebra interesting?
X is always 10.
Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?
Because they don't believe in higher powers.
I had asked my dog what 2 - 2 is...
She said nothing.
How does a mathematician get tan?
sin/cos.
Hi boyyyy!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8.
I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
Why did the rapper become a mathematician?
To count his STACKS of CASH.
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
What does the B in Benoît B. Mandelbrot stand for?
Benoît B. Mandelbrot.
If Al Gore started a math rock band, it should be called Algorhythm.