An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, "You guys should know your limits."

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? -- The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.

3.14% of sailors are...

π-rates.

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi

Hi boyyyy

Why don't Romans find algebra interesting?

X is always 10.

How does a mathematician get tan? -- sin/cos.

I had a conversation with a Möbius strip. -- It was one-sided.

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

4, 6, 8 and 9 have all been killed. -- 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11 are the prime suspects.

If Al Gore started a math rock band it should be called Algorhythm.

An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."

What does the B in Benoît B. Mandelbrot stand for?

Benoît B. Mandelbrot

Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

Here are 20 jokes for you:

Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner! Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts! Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together! Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them! How does a bee style its hair? With a honeycomb! Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired! What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta! What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs! Why don't eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up! Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts! What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner is on me! Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they would be bagels! Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems! How does a computer get drunk? It takes screenshots! What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer! I hope these jokes brought a smile to your face! Let me know if you'd like to hear more.

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil

Where do mathematicians go to die?

The symmetry

An infinite amount of mathematicians walked into a bar. The first ordered a pint, the second ordered a half pint, the third ordered a fourth-pint, etc. The Bartender eventually walked up and gave them two pints and said: "you mathematicians don't know your limits."