An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers, and says, "You guys should know your limits."
3.14% of sailors are...
π-rates.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
If Al Gore started a math rock band, it should be called Algorhythm.
Why don't Romans find algebra interesting?
X is always 10.
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?
Because they don't believe in higher powers.
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8.
I had a conversation with a Möbius strip.
It was one-sided.
How does a mathematician get tan?
sin/cos.
What does the B in Benoît B. Mandelbrot stand for?
Benoît B. Mandelbrot.
Why did the rapper become a mathematician?
To count his STACKS of CASH.
