Finance jokes
An old lady in the bank told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.
I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.
I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.
Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired).
Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."
What is money called in space?
Star bucks.
Money and my mom are kinda the same thing; they come and leave easily.
If rape was about power, then my electric bill would be a positive balance.
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?
-"I want my quarterback."
What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?
UNPROTECTED SEX.
A: She looks good when she opens her hair. 😮
B: You will look good when you open your wallet. 👛
What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.
I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
I now have $999,999.75.
Jack and Jill went up the hill each with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with $2.50 and Jack came down smiling.
Yo mama so dumb, she thought a quarterback was a refund.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He didn't pay his electricity bills.