Finance jokes
I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.
I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.
What wastes your money as you earn it?
Women.
I got my job at a bank and lost the job the day I got it. A lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her!
Do you know why people in wheelchairs don’t pay for them?
Because they have to pay for road tax.
I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the 💕 love of your life!💕
And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!
Comment those numbers to lock it in!!😄
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Money, money, green, green. Money is all I need, need.
Yo mama so dumb she bought a toolkit to open up a Roth IRA.
One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"
You're so poor. You're just PO, you can't even afford the other O and R.
What do you call an emo hosting a charity event?
Fund razor.
Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?
When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.
What's the difference between a government and a pawn shop?
They lower you.
What do Boy Scouts and IG models have in common?
They both be fucking sugar daddies.
Why did the rapper become a banker?
Because he wanted to make some BIG BANK DEPOSITS!
So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.
Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.
Are you free tomorrow?
No, I’m expensive, sorry. 💵💸