If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.
Finance Jokes
If you go broke, you could always rent parking garages on your huge ass forehead.
My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.
I quit my job at the bank today. I lost interest.
Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.
Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.
Nah! You're so poor, you can't afford free stuff!
I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?
Boy: Hello, Mom, can I have $50?
Mom: Does it look like I am made of money?
Boy: That's what M.O.M. means, right?
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
To buy a house.
Why did the black lady give the IRS a mason jar full of watermelon seeds?
Tax credit.
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.
... It was a bittersweet victory.
Teacher: “If you got ten dollars from ten people, what would you have?”
Johnny: “A new bike!”
Your hairline is what caused the Great Depression.
This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank!
Why was the fart on Kickstarter? He just needed some gas.
What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?
"Ain't you got no cents?"
Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."
"Give me 5 cents and I’ll grant you a wish."
Ok.
"Thank you, what is your wish?"
I wish for my 5 cents back.
If I had a dollar for every brain cell LEO has, I’d have one dollar.
