Finance jokes

Yo mama is so poor, she asked a homeless guy for money.

My syndrome may be down, but my money be up 😈.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"

I'll give you 20 dollars if you let me cum in you.

If you go broke, you could always rent parking garages on your huge ass forehead.

If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.

I quit my job at the bank today. I lost interest.

My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.

One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."

I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.

If I had a dollar for every brain cell LEO has, I’d have one dollar.

What's the difference between me and my best friends?

At least one of us has a house.

Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.

Nah! You're so poor, you can't afford free stuff!

Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.

Your hairline is what caused the Great Depression.

I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?

Teacher: “If you got ten dollars from ten people, what would you have?”

Johnny: “A new bike!”

Boy: Hello, Mom, can I have $50?

Mom: Does it look like I am made of money?

Boy: That's what M.O.M. means, right?

Why did the orphan rob the bank?

To buy a house.