Charity jokes
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they're all shellfish.
I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.
All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
Why would you never donate to crabs?
Because they're shellfish!
I did a bungee jump for charity recently. It was called "spastics on elastics."
Just watched an upsetting video. Please retweet. #Stop The Make-A-Wish Foundation.
A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?
It was a failure because:
South Americans don’t know the word “please.”
Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”
Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”
Balkans don’t know the word “give.”
Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”
Africans don’t know the word “food.”
Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”
Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”
Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”
Why don’t oysters give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish! 😂
If prostitution had a tax-exempt status, and if an adult bookstore had a tax-exempt status because of a glory hole, churches would have to do something else to keep their tax-exempt status to avoid the risk of going out of business.
I intern at an orphanage that burned down this weekend with 30 kids inside.
Thankfully, I don’t have to call and tell their parents.
I'm doing a charity bungee jump for the local disabled.
It's called "spastics on elastics."
I see a poor guy. Mini me be like- mama, can I give my spare money to him? 🤗 And my mum says yes, so I give my money and home feeling SO NICE, while MY MOM knows he's going to spend it on DRUGS. We go back tomorrow and then after we go to the same place and then I see him with drugs.
Me- what I think fck what I do 😭.
I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
I now have $999,999.75.
I gave an orphan an iPhone XR because it does not have a home button.
Welcome to Dave’s orphanage. You make it, we take it.
What chips are you not allowed to give to orphans?
Family size.
The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.
Me: Can I have your chair? 💺 You: Why? Me: For charity.
"Have you ever heard of the snail that never gives charity?"
"Yeah, he is so shellfish!"
I gave a homeless person a phone but did not give him a home button.