Finance jokes
What has a head, a tail, but no body?
When the card declines on child insurance.
My money don't jiggle jiggle, it folds.
I want to see you wiggle wiggle, for sure.
What does Stephen Hawking and a prostitute have in common?
They both charge.
My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.
Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.
The 10 cents said to the 1 cent, "Haha, I make more cents than you!"
One man said, "Do you need 20 bucks?"
The other said, "Do you have that many?"
What did 1 pay with at the store? A 1/4 ;)
Why did the dumb blonde take a shower outside of the house while it was raining?
Because the dumb blonde did not pay the water bill!
What is it called when young sheep bet?
LAMbling.
(haven't uploaded yesterday cuz couldn't think of a joke)
Information has been leaked from government sources. When the current lock-up ends, the holder of the nation's purse, Fishi Rucksack, will launch a new initiative.
This will be to help the struggling "personal services" industry and will be labelled, "Sleep out to Help out."
If I had a dollar for every time someone did something stupid,
I would have approximately 7.8 Billion dollars.
I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"
I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."
She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.
What was the movie about the dog called?
The woof of Wall Street.
Why do you go to the bank?
To get money.
When do you run from the bank?
When the cops come.
What’s long and black?
The line at the unemployment office.
Your family is so cheap that they won't even pay for the child support to keep you.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
Jay-Z and B.
It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.
But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . .
Why did the rapper go to the bank?
To make some DEPOSITS of RHYMES.