Finance jokes
I don’t have enough money to buy cheese, could you provolone me some money?
If I had a dollar for every time someone did something stupid,
I would have approximately 7.8 Billion dollars.
Was he under insurance claim?
Why do people name a kid "Rob?" Because they want him to rob a bank so they could adopt new kids to lock in their basement for a late-night toy.
Inflation is so bad, McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"
I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."
She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.
What’s long and black?
The line at the unemployment office.
Why do you go to the bank?
To get money.
When do you run from the bank?
When the cops come.
What was the movie about the dog called?
The woof of Wall Street.
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
Jay-Z and B.
You're so poor, you only got 2 jokes.
Why did the rapper go to the bank?
To make some DEPOSITS of RHYMES.
It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.
But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . .
Why did the rapper go to the bank? (Part 2)
To WITHDRAW some BEATS.
I lost my job at the bank today. A lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Why can't orphans play Monopoly?
Because they can't put a house.
Why did the number 10 make friends with 0? Because you have $100 dollars.
What is playing with you?
What time is it when you stand on a pile of money in the bank?
High interest!