Finance jokes
What does Stephen Hawking and a prostitute have in common?
They both charge.
When the card declines on child insurance.
The 10 cents said to the 1 cent, "Haha, I make more cents than you!"
Why did the dumb blonde take a shower outside of the house while it was raining?
Because the dumb blonde did not pay the water bill!
What did 1 pay with at the store? A 1/4 ;)
Information has been leaked from government sources. When the current lock-up ends, the holder of the nation's purse, Fishi Rucksack, will launch a new initiative.
This will be to help the struggling "personal services" industry and will be labelled, "Sleep out to Help out."
One man said, "Do you need 20 bucks?"
The other said, "Do you have that many?"
What is it called when young sheep bet?
LAMbling.
(haven't uploaded yesterday cuz couldn't think of a joke)
Was he under insurance claim?
If I had a dollar for every time someone did something stupid,
I would have approximately 7.8 Billion dollars.
I don’t have enough money to buy cheese, could you provolone me some money?
Why do people name a kid "Rob?" Because they want him to rob a bank so they could adopt new kids to lock in their basement for a late-night toy.
I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"
I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."
She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.
Why do you go to the bank?
To get money.
When do you run from the bank?
When the cops come.
What was the movie about the dog called?
The woof of Wall Street.
What’s long and black?
The line at the unemployment office.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
Jay-Z and B.
Why did the rapper go to the bank?
To make some DEPOSITS of RHYMES.
Why did the rapper go to the bank? (Part 2)
To WITHDRAW some BEATS.
It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.
But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . .