Finance jokes

Why did the orphan rob the bank?

To buy a house.

Where do you buy cows in bulk?

At the stock market.

150,000$

The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.

Hey any riding with Biden fans out there?

I ran out of gas and could really use a ride so if one of ya'll can call me and pick me up that'd be great and I can't get gas because I only have 20 bucks which is like 1-5 and a half, help me please.

What do you call a rapper with bad credit?

Lil Borrow.

I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?

An old lady in the bank told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I lost $10,000, so I killed my piggy bank, so I get a real pig and money which my money is fake, but the janitor said it is real, so I killed myself and turned into a real human.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"

I went to the bank to apply for a Personal Loan.

Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper, so they didn't want to Post M"loan."

Was he under insurance claim?

Why did the booty get a job?

To make ends meet!

If I had a dollar for every brain cell LEO has, I’d have one dollar.

The 10 cents said to the 1 cent, "Haha, I make more cents than you!"

What do you call a rich Chinese person?!? Kaching!

For every dollar a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents.

That’s unfair! Now the man only has 30 cents!

What’s the best air to breathe if you want to be rich? Millionaire.

Who do the United States owe trillions of dollars to?

Jew-piter.

Why did the man laugh when he only had just one nickel and one penny in his pocket?

He had a 6 cents of humor.