Patient: Doctor, I feel like a needle.
Doctor: I see your point!
Little Mickel was on a tree.
He fell down and hurt his knee.
He sat down and started to cry, and from there, he would never lie.
Family all eating at the table.
Brother: "Hmm, I think I feel gold."
Sister: "Stop the cap."
Brother looks under the table and says, "Nope, just a gold digger."
Dad laughed.
Stepmom storms out of the room.
I know you came here to feel good about yourself...
In this modern age, I feel as though it's inappropriate to make jokes about herbs and fish.
It's not the thyme or the plaice for it.
How did the chicken 🐔 feel after escaping the fry cook?
Clucky!
I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.
Are you feeling down? Because I wanna feel you up.
Why did an orphan say, "I'm wanted?" Because they wanted to feel a lie in their life.
Why do orphans say, "Go big or go home?"
So that way they feel important.
God: I feel like I'm forgetting something... oh no, Earth! *sees it on fire* Oh, it's fine.
People of Earth: *running and screaming*
Santen: *to God* Really?
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?
Well, they aren't.
Why?
They aren't repeated customers.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
- Sometimes I feel like killing myself...
- But?
- ...
How did the cookie 🍪 feel when he was dunked in milk?
Batter.
Why did Daveon go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling "Daveon" in the dumps.
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
Why are quadriplegics so unsympathetic? Because they only have feeling in 10% of their body.
So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.
The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.
