Feel jokes

Guy feels something on his back.

“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”

“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”

What did the blind man say on Christmas?

"I can feel your presents!"

I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.

Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.

When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.

Deja-poo.

The sense or feeling you have dealt with this crap in the past.

Why did the skeleton want a friend?

Because she was feeling bonely.

Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.

Why did Daveon go to the doctor?

Because he was feeling "Daveon" in the dumps.

- Sometimes I feel like killing myself...

- But?

- ...

What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?

I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.

You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.

I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.

Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?

Well, they aren't.

Why?

They aren't repeated customers.

God: I feel like I'm forgetting something... oh no, Earth! *sees it on fire* Oh, it's fine.

People of Earth: *running and screaming*

Santen: *to God* Really?

How did the cookie 🍪 feel when he was dunked in milk?

Batter.

Why do orphans say, "Go big or go home?"

So that way they feel important.

How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?

Skelesore.

I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.

I know you came here to feel good about yourself...

Little Mickel was on a tree.

He fell down and hurt his knee.

He sat down and started to cry, and from there, he would never lie.