I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.
Are you feeling down? Because I wanna feel you up.
How did the chicken 🐔 feel after escaping the fry cook?
Clucky!
Why did an orphan say, "I'm wanted?" Because they wanted to feel a lie in their life.
God: I feel like I'm forgetting something... oh no, Earth! *sees it on fire* Oh, it's fine.
People of Earth: *running and screaming*
Santen: *to God* Really?
Why do orphans say, "Go big or go home?"
So that way they feel important.
Family all eating at the table.
Brother: "Hmm, I think I feel gold."
Sister: "Stop the cap."
Brother looks under the table and says, "Nope, just a gold digger."
Dad laughed.
Stepmom storms out of the room.
In this modern age, I feel as though it's inappropriate to make jokes about herbs and fish.
It's not the thyme or the plaice for it.
Little Mickel was on a tree.
He fell down and hurt his knee.
He sat down and started to cry, and from there, he would never lie.
I know you came here to feel good about yourself...
Why did Daveon go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling "Daveon" in the dumps.
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
- Sometimes I feel like killing myself...
- But?
- ...
How did the cookie 🍪 feel when he was dunked in milk?
Batter.
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a needle.
Doctor: I see your point!
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?
Well, they aren't.
Why?
They aren't repeated customers.
Why are quadriplegics so unsympathetic? Because they only have feeling in 10% of their body.
