Self jokes
I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!
Why did 10 kill itself?
Because it was between 9/11.
Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?
Because it realized it had a better chance of survival without them.
I’m a paki nonse.
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.
I unironically shit myself. I am so sorry.
A girl in the shop was getting bullied. She came to me saying, "I’m getting bullied." I told her, "Stand up for herself."
I killed myself, then woke up.
All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.
Stephen Hawking did not die; he deleted himself.
What’s the difference between me and Glow In The Dark Intelligent Putty? The putty’s intelligent!
They all call it self-baptism. I call it failed suicide.
Emo girls are bad, but what's worse? Cutting yourself.
If an orphan took a photo, what would it be called?
A self-me.
I bullied a handicap today.
What is he gonna do? Stand up for himself?
Q. What's the difference between pizza and an emo?
A. The pizza doesn't cut itself.
My jokes are pretty "bone-arifick," if I say so myself. Hehhehe... Get it?
Your hairline is more bent than your gender.
What is the difference between a cow and me?
Nothing.
It’s so sad because Stephen Hawking can’t even stand up for himself after all these mean jokes.