When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.
Feel Jokes
How did the person feel when his partner wouldn't perform a golden shower on him? Pissed off.
I started working at the AISH office a few months ago.
I felt like I wasn't fitting in. Then my coworker showed me where the pepper spray and emergency contraception pills were.
Now I feel like I belong.
I moved so much stone today.
I feel like a guy from Palestine looking for his wife.
That feeling when elbow surgery was yesterday.
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
Are you feeling down? Because I’d happily feel you up.
Why do people hate abortion jokes?
It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.
What's the difference between a cop and bacon?
Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.
I feel bad for all American Clash Royale players.
They always start with two towers downed.
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
Hi, I'm Adopt, and you guys hurt my feelings. It is not God :(😔😞😔🥺. I'm just a kid. I'm 7.
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...
Why did Daveon go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling "Daveon" in the dumps.
