New Drink Jokes - Page 5 - Worst Jokes Ever

A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably. Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

Guy: "Golly"

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

Guy: "Wow."

Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Uh, no."

Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

my mom told me to go to bed but then I grabbed a drink went in their room to say goodnight and they looked like adam and eve on steroids

A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low and the cliff was non existent and now you took the poison !"

What does an M&M and juice have in common?

Window.

A cop pulls me over and asks if i have been drinking. I'm an honest person and say yes i did so i take of my sunglasses, and tell him that i now had 2glasses less.

police control! Have you been drinking?"

"Go Pikachu! Thunder Clap!"

"Did you just throw a hamster at my head?"

How do you call a very good lemonade?Fantatastic

wtas aenergy drink orphans nevver tried ''mother''

What’s an orphan’s least favourite drink?

Milk. Because no one came back with any.

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.

“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.

The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”

I've been drinking from a tall cup his teeth look like twin towers al-Qaeda Blown him up

drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide? When exactly my cult members drink the Kool aid

A woman was sitting alone at a bar and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sadly. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.

The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks they decided to go back to her place.

When they arrived she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time she burst open her bedroom door and she said, "I hope you're ready!"

She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand and a 12 inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.

The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"

She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."

The dude replied, "While you were in there I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants and came on your curtains. It's been fun!

Oooh, I fall apart Oooh, yeah, mmhmm She told me that I'm not enough, yeah And she left me with a broken heart, yeah She fooled me twice and it's all my fault, yeah She cut too deep, now she left me scarred, yeah Now there's too many thoughts goin' through my brain, yeah And now I'm takin' these shots like it's Novocaine, yeah Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, didn't know it before Surprised when you caught me off guard All this damn jewelry I bought You was my shorty, I thought Never caught a feelin' this hard Harder than the liquor I pour Tell me you don't want me no more But I can't let go Everybody told me so Feelin' like I sold my soul Devil in the form of a whore Devil in the form of a whore You said it No, you said it No, you said it We'd be together Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, didn't know it before Surprised when you caught me off guard All this damn jewelry I bought You was my shorty, I thought Ice keep pourin' and the drink keep flowin' Try to brush it off but it keep on goin' Covered in scars and I can't help showin' Whippin' in the foreign and the tears keep blowin' Ice keep droppin' and the drink keep flowin' Try to brush it off but it keep on goin' All these scars, can't help from showin' Whippin' in the foreign and the tears keep blowin', yeah Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, didn't know it before Surprised when you caught me off guard All this damn jewelry I bought You was my shorty, I thought

A DEPRESSED GUY WALKS INTO A BAR AND SAYS "CAN I GET SHOT".THE BARTENDER THEN SAYS "YOU MEAN CAN YOU GET A SHOT RIGHT?THE BARTENDER THEN SAYS "WELL..........WHAT DRINK WOULD YOU LIKE?THE DEPRESSED THEN RESPONDS WITH A "NO I REALLY WANT TO GET SHOT.

What is an orphan’s favorite beer?

Fosters.

POV: Wine Taster in hell

I was, sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. this silhouette begins to speak, "you have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. how do you plead?" the man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit. "guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like I will take any punishment you deem fit." very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request." out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. the boy says "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." the boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, Taste like chicken."