What do you call a coffee without water? Africano.
Two men are sitting at a coffee table.
Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."
Joe: "Why do you say that?"
Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."
Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."
Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."
Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.
You can't drink alcohol or dance.
Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.
An Indian has a seat between two Pakistani's on board an airplane.
It's quite obvious to each of the three men where they are from. The Indian asks, "Pardon me gentleman, you wouldn't mind me sitting between you, do you? This is my seat, after all."
The Pakistanis look at each other, and then look back at him. One of them smiles and says, "Not at all! After all, Pakistanis and Indians are brothers! Are we not?"
The Indian is delighted at how warm and friendly they are, and he takes his seat. Shortly the plane takes off and the three guys are just chilling until the Indian says, "You know it's going to be a long ride and I am getting thirsty. Brothers, can I get any of you like a drink?" Then one of them says, "Yes brother, I would like a Coke!"
The Indian slips off his shoes and walks barefoot to where the stewardess is at, and when the Indian is out of view, one of the Pakistanis spits into his shoe. The Indian comes back and gives him a Coke.
Then the other Pakistani says, "You know what brother? I would also like a Coke too!" The Indian happily obliges, and as soon as he is out of view, he also spits in his shoe before the Indian gives him a Coke.
Finally, the Indian slips on his shoes and suddenly realizes how wet they are. He shakes his head and says, "Brothers! Why must we do this to each other, spitting in each other's shoes and peeing in each other's Cokes?"
Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?
His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.
LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!
Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.
Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?
were gonna have to kill
no good jack and jill
they’re draining the economy doooown!
they’ve spent our budget on weed
and lube to spill jack’s seed
they’ve ruined our wonderful town!
were gonna have to kill
nno good jack and jill
they have no moralityyyy
they’re spreading degeneracy
we aint what we used to be
we’ve got to kill ol no good jack and jill!
jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
but then they stopped at the tippy top to smoke some marijuana
they went to the store, and got some more, to fetch a “few” more beers
next day they came, ran off again, repeat for 24 years
we’re gonna have to kill
nno good jack and jill!
they’ve banked off buying boooze!
they’ll drink and sell the price
at the original times thrice
corruption wins, the avg. folk’ll loseee.
we’re gonna have to kill
nno good jack and jill
their kids’re in the business tooo!
they’re draining all our banks
give em well deserved spanks
we’ve got to kill ol no good jack and jill
jack and jill netflix and chilled and made a grave mistaaake
what a blunder, there was no rubber, now
they’re a house of eeiiight
a bolt went off, they opened shop
to resell their porn and lean
it all went swell, but for us, well
we’re now an oligarchy!
WE’LL KILL OL JACK AND JILL!
How much context, pecker? You Press context categoria, go Discord.
Drink tea with friend game night.
a jew and jew walk in bar goy say what u want jew say give it alcohol jew say my son run away and become christian another jew pipe in he say my son too bar tender turn around he say “u not gonna believe this...”
What did the water say to the cup?
"Good day!"
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.
What’s a German’s favorite drink? Orange Jews. Hundred percent concentrated.
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a beer.
Why did the short person bring a ladder to the bar?
Because they heard the drinks were on the house!
What's a rapper's favorite drink?
RHYME-A-RITA
A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk The dad finally came back with the milk
I may not be your cup of tea, but I am definitely your 10th shot of tequila.
How do rappers like their coffee?
With a little bit of RAP-PUCCINO.
Rapboat has to drug his own drink to get laid.
