Disease jokes
You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!
A few years ago I had a brush with cancer...
All of the bristles fell out!
Why do-- wait, what am I saying? What am I talking about?
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.
"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.
"Why?" I asked.
My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
What's ALS?
Memes
I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.
My mom told me to be positive...
I was heading to an HIV test.
What do you call an accomplished opera singer with recurring gonorrhea?
Standing ovation!
What happens when you have a bladder infection? You're in trouble!
Q: What is found deep inside of us, and the more we express our love for each other the more it spreads throughout the world?
A: Covid.
Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.
The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"
Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."
The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"
Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."
Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogie in it!
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
What happened to the leper when he accidentally walked into the screen door?
He strained himself.
I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the Covid-19 patients to stay positive.
TDS? More like STDs.
My girlfriend got COVID.
This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.
What's the natural cure to an old man's inability to forgive people?
Alzheimer's.
I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.
Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.