Stephen Hawking listens to the song "I Am Still Standing" and cries to himself.
We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.
What goes up but never past the digits 15?
A Make-A-Wish kid...
Stephen Hawking walking, oops, he does not do that anymore.
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
What would be the most heartbreaking scene in a dementia film? I forgor 💀.
What do Africans eat for breakfast?
E-bola Cornflakes.
Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.
Last night I had the strangest dream!
I sailed away to China!
And I caught the coronavirus!
You said you needed to wash your hands!
Didn't want no one else to touch you! What does that mean?!
And you said!!
Ain't nothing gonna break my lungs 😤!
Ain't no way of slowing Covid down!
Oh no I've got to keep on coughing!!!
What’s the difference between a prostitute and cancer?
A prostitute can beat my dick any day, but a prostitute can’t beat cancer.
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
What's bald and can't grow no hair?
A kid with cancer.
Read this and you're gay.
Depression has been entered into your body.
My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ 6 weeks later, she died. ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Note to all.
My name is Lariah. Lariah Carla Brown, 14 years old and I am 1 of triplets. I don't understand how rape jokes are funny, and I just want to make that statement clear. I also hate orphan jokes because I WAS one. Notice when I put WAS! I also see jokes about cancer, now I know you can't be kidding. You know that cancer is a disease that many people get and could die from, so you are just wrong about that!
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.
What do you call a malignant cell in Paris?
A Royale with cancer.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite drug?
Battery acid.
A player in Baldi's Basics says, "Why are you bald?"
Baldi responds, "Well, I have cancer."
The player says, "Oh, good for you!"
Knock knock. Who’s there? Mimi. Mimi who? Mimi’s got cancer.
