Disease jokes
Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!
Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.
The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"
Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."
The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"
Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."
What happens when you have a bladder infection? You're in trouble!
What do you call an accomplished opera singer with recurring gonorrhea?
Standing ovation!
Have you heard about kids with AIDS?
It never gets old.
imagine
What happened to the leper when he accidentally walked into the screen door?
He strained himself.
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the Covid-19 patients to stay positive.
Q. What's an Alzheimer's victim's favourite song? A. Stand Down at Sundown.
Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.
But the cancer patients aren't.
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
Q: What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
A: Leukemia.
Why do people shake cigarette boxes?
To wake up the cancer.
What did the girl get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What's the difference between a plane and a woman?
At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.
What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?
A Lymphomaniac.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
So anyway, this old guy goes to the doctors. The doctor says, "It's bad news, you've got cancer and Alzheimer's." The old guy replies, "At least I've not got cancer!"
If you turn Down syndrome upside down, do they have Up syndrome now?