Disease

Disease Jokes

Funeral

What's the difference between a normal person's funeral and a person with polio?

The pose!

Rape

What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?

You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.

Kid

I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!

Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.

Fan

I hope Betty Pears was a Buckcherry fan.

She literally died a crazy bitch.

Diabetes

I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."

My brother said, "You want a cookie?"

Schizophrenia

Shower thought: If everyone had schizophrenia, no one would know we had schizophrenia or know what it is!

Pear

When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.

She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.

I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!

Name

I think we should change Alzheimer’s disease to Joe Biden disease.

Cancer

Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.

But the cancer patients aren't.

Mickey Mouse

Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...

...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."

To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"

Song

What’s someone with AIDS' favorite Taylor Swift song?

"Baby, now we got bad blood."

Africa

Why is there no medication in Africa?

Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."

Difference

What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?

One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.

Mama

Your mama is so nasty.

She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.

Mosquito

We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.