Disease jokes
It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!
I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.
I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."
What’s the best part about stage four cancer?
There’s no stage five.
What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
What’s the worst thing about having a sister with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What's the difference between Michael Joseph Jackson and Mickey Mouse? Besides being a disease-carrying rodent, and one a dangerous pedophile, Mickey Mouse can still touch and go near kids.
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What's the difference between a normal person's funeral and a person with polio?
The pose!
My doctor told me I had Alzheimer’s.
I said to him, “I don’t remember asking.”
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?
You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.
My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"
I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!
Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.
Q' What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite type of comedy?
A. I forget.
I hope Betty Pears was a Buckcherry fan.
She literally died a crazy bitch.
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."
My brother said, "You want a cookie?"
Shower thought: If everyone had schizophrenia, no one would know we had schizophrenia or know what it is!
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!
I think we should change Alzheimer’s disease to Joe Biden disease.