Disease jokes

Doctor: I have bad news.

Man: What?

Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.

Man: Oh, no...

Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.

Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!

For so long, I thought I was a Gemini, apparently I'm Cancer!

Stephen Hawking's least favorite song is "I'm Still Standing."

Fe fi foung better run and hide: Covid (really).

How do skeletons get COVID?

From the coffin!

So, Stephen Hawking walked into a bar—oh, wait a minute! Rewind!

So, Stephen Hawking rolled into a bar......

What is Stephen Hawking's best side?

The left.

What do you call an overly clingy child?

A tumor.

My family was like dinosaurs when they got COVID.

They both went extinct.

How do people with hydrocephalus wear standard-size helmets?

What happens when you eat salmon with Nutella?

You get salmonella.

What are all grandmas infected with? Defiantly not a parasite!

Could it be ligma?

Ligma balls, daddy!

Why did Stephen Hawking walk across the road? Oh wait...

I have more STDs than Hicks has friends at the moment. I only have one.

What does a bird say when it gets sick?

I flu!

Why did Stephen Hawking cross the road?

Oh wait, he didn't.

History teacher: "They had a temporary cure for the disease, but it would be years before they found a cure for life."

Student: "I need that."

Stephen is lucky he doesn’t need a vibrator.

He’s got himself.

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?

To get to the other side.