Disease jokes
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
What is a lot?
Syphilis.
2019 Senior Prank: Hey fellas, let's black out the school. Haha, we're so sneaky, oh yes!
2020 Senior Prank: Hey guys, I'm a tech whiz, let's spread a rumor on the internet saying a disease called the corona virus exists! Haha, it'd be so funny and good, even the whole world might fall for it!
Everyone in December 2020 looks at tech whiz: "...you son of a b*tch!!!"
Tech whiz: "You guys are the a**holes! I mean you fell for it for a whole year!"
Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when children get it.
Cancer is the best thing ever! Hahah, fuck all you cancer patients!
My aunt’s star sign is Cancer, so it’s pretty ironic how she died. She was eaten alive by a giant freaking crab!
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?
My brother didn’t beat cancer.
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
Me and my cancer
Are like a game of Fortnite.
I’ll never win.
I want diabetes so I can drink loads of Coke. - Louie Fennell 2018
What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?
One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.
Lol, I switched out my friend's leukemia medication for mercury.
Like and comment if you get it!
Why does cancer kill you? Because it does. 🌝
A few years ago I had a brush with cancer...
All of the bristles fell out!
Dark humor is like a boy with cancer.
They never get old.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
A girl goes to a Church to confess.
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
(after a few minutes)
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father, he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
Why can’t Sally get a hair cut? She has cancer.