Disease jokes

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.

"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.

"Why?" I asked.

My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"

You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!

Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.

The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"

Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."

The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"

Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

What's ALS?

What happened to the leper when he accidentally walked into the screen door?

He strained himself.

Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."

By a tweaker with AIDS.

Have you heard about kids with AIDS?

It never gets old.

A guy does not know anything. Oh, wait, he has dementia.

What do you call an accomplished opera singer with recurring gonorrhea?

Standing ovation!

I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.

What can you catch but not throw?

A cold!

I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the Covid-19 patients to stay positive.

What's the difference between me and cancer?

Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.

My girlfriend got COVID.

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

What do priests give children?

Syphilis.

I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.

Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.

Your mama is so nasty.

She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.

What is the difference between Nicole Brown Simpson and cancer?

OJ couldn’t kill cancer.

All countries will get Covid.

Except China, they got it right off the bat.

If we send more mosquitoes to Africa, we could save more mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.