Diet jokes
I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.
Guess who likes vegetables now?
What’s the hardest part of the vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
Why did the girl not eat her dinner?
because she has an eating disorder.
I have a big bag of Doritos in the kitchen. It's only for people who are skinny, but the fat people can't have any. All they do is suck it up like a lollipop.
Your mama can't walk up the stairs because she eats too much chips.
my new twin
Why did Bella Thorne pass gas on "Shake It Up Chicago?" Because I gave her too split pea soup for breakfast.
What’s a cannibal’s favorite food? A vegetable.
Your mom is so fat she ate an iPad and said, "Ahqah!" funny food mmm banana and hehe haha! And what deal with airline food? It's not white and it's not black and it's not Asian!? AHAH? DSF
What is the difference between a fat person and a whole pizza?
Well, a whole pizza cannot eat a fat person.
Your mama is so fat.
She went on a diet and solved world hunger!
I said I ate an apple because I was hungry.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.
You're fat. Don't sugar coat it because you would probably eat that, too.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Why did the man become stupid?
Cause he was suicidal, herbivorous. Ja...
Why did Kristen Stewart fart on the set of Charlie's Angels? Because she ate too much damn chili for breakfast I made for her. I just forgot to put my foot in it.
Why did the Indian man eat a cow?
Because he wanted to be fat like one.
Someone said to me they like greasy food with gravy.
I said no wonder your forehead's so greasy.
My diet consists of Blood Pudding, I love it and have it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, my secret ingredient though?
It consists of the blood and insides of my victims, it’s a bit chunky sometimes, some bits chewy, some bits hard, but it’s a hearty meal.
What's an old man's favorite food?
Wrinkled onions.