Diet jokes

Why did Bella Thorne pass gas on "Shake It Up Chicago?" Because I gave her too split pea soup for breakfast.

What’s a cannibal’s favorite food? A vegetable.

Your mama can't walk up the stairs because she eats too much chips.

Your mom is so fat she ate an iPad and said, "Ahqah!" funny food mmm banana and hehe haha! And what deal with airline food? It's not white and it's not black and it's not Asian!? AHAH? DSF

I said I ate an apple because I was hungry.

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.

What is the difference between a fat person and a whole pizza?

Well, a whole pizza cannot eat a fat person.

If you are fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?

Your mama is so fat.

She went on a diet and solved world hunger!

You're fat. Don't sugar coat it because you would probably eat that, too.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Why did the man become stupid?

Cause he was suicidal, herbivorous. Ja...

Why did Kristen Stewart fart on the set of Charlie's Angels? Because she ate too much damn chili for breakfast I made for her. I just forgot to put my foot in it.

Why did the Indian man eat a cow?

Because he wanted to be fat like one.

Someone said to me they like greasy food with gravy.

I said no wonder your forehead's so greasy.

My diet consists of Blood Pudding, I love it and have it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, my secret ingredient though?

It consists of the blood and insides of my victims, it’s a bit chunky sometimes, some bits chewy, some bits hard, but it’s a hearty meal.

What's an old man's favorite food?

Wrinkled onions.

How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?

Kill her afterwards.

Yo mama so vegetarian that she loves the Vegan Teacher!

Why did the alligator see a crocodile?

Because it ate too many humans, and he was sick.