Diet jokes
What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?
Babies are healthier.
Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.
What do rabbits eat for breakfast? IHOP.
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.
What do squirrels eat?
Nuts. 🥜
Why can't blind people have a seafood diet?
They have to see food to eat.
Who eats sleeping? A robot.
My diet consists of Blood Pudding, I love it and have it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, my secret ingredient though?
It consists of the blood and insides of my victims, it’s a bit chunky sometimes, some bits chewy, some bits hard, but it’s a hearty meal.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
I have a big bag of Doritos in the kitchen. It's only for people who are skinny, but the fat people can't have any. All they do is suck it up like a lollipop.
You're fat. Don't sugar coat it because you would probably eat that, too.
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done.
I said I ate an apple because I was hungry.
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast!
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What do you call a food fight that's been going on for years?
A war of nutrition.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What do you call a vegan cow?
A vegan cow. :/
OR
A regular cow. 🐄🙌