Diet

Diet jokes

Seven

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.

Memes

Vegan

What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?

Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.

Vegetable

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.

I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.

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  • Doctor

    doctor: you need to eat healthy.

    me: no.

    doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.

    me: oh my goodness.

    doctor: in a plane crash.

    me: that sounds unrelated.

    doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!

    Japanese

    Why are Japanese always so skinny?

    Cause last time there was a fat man, an entire city disappeared.

    Cow

    What do you call a cow with no toes?

    Lac-toes intolerant.

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  • Fat

    Your momma's so fat she started "Fat Lives Matter". Meetings are everyday:

    11 o'clock McDonald's, 12 o'clock KFC, 1 o'clock Pizza Hut.

    Vegan

    How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?

    They'll tell you.

    Gun

    What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?

    - A VEGUN.

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  • Incest

    So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.

    He'll probably leave her alone now.

    He doesn't eat vegetables.

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