Diet jokes
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.
If some girls are vegan, then why do they suck dick?
Why did the orange go blind? Because he was low on vitamin C.
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
Memes
What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?
Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.
Can emos eat a happy meal, or is it a depressed meal?
If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.
I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
Why don’t cannibal kids eat people with Down Syndrome? Because kids don’t like vegetables.
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
Why are Japanese always so skinny?
Cause last time there was a fat man, an entire city disappeared.
What do you call a cow with no toes?
Lac-toes intolerant.
I'm on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.
Your momma's so fat she started "Fat Lives Matter". Meetings are everyday:
11 o'clock McDonald's, 12 o'clock KFC, 1 o'clock Pizza Hut.
How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?
They'll tell you.
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.
He'll probably leave her alone now.
He doesn't eat vegetables.
What do cows eat for breakfast? -- Moosli.
Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.