Diet jokes
I had to give up my vegetarian diet.
Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
What's an edible part of a wheelchair?
A vegetable!
Q: Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake.
Is it okay to say "nice to meat you" to a vegan?
Why can't Chinese people play baseball?
They eat the bat.
Memes
Me on a diet:
Have you heard about the awesome fruit race?
The lettuce was ahead, but the tomato was able to ketchup!
Fat people are thirsty, so I piss in their mouth.
What do you call a vegan cow?
A vegan cow. :/
OR
A regular cow. 🐄🙌
What do you call a retarded cow?
Vegan (vegetable).
Why can't fat kids play poker?
They eat all the chips.
You are so fat you tried to eat the word "edible."
Your mum is so fat, she eats every meal from KFC, Maccas, Hungry Jacks all at once!
If you are a banana, why don't you eat a banana?
Oh right, you'd be a cannibal. I mean a banan-i-ball.
Why does my mum eat carrots?
When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.
Your mum's so fat that when she goes to KFC, they run out of stock of chicken.
Once I ate a table... it was food consuming.
The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.
Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.
Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.