Q: Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake.
Diet Jokes
Is it okay to say "nice to meat you" to a vegan?
Why can't Chinese people play baseball?
They eat the bat.
Have you heard about the awesome fruit race?
The lettuce was ahead, but the tomato was able to ketchup!
Fat people are thirsty, so I piss in their mouth.
What do you call a vegan cow?
A vegan cow. :/
OR
A regular cow. 🐄🙌
What do you call a retarded cow?
Vegan (vegetable).
You are so fat you tried to eat the word "edible."
If you are a banana, why don't you eat a banana?
Oh right, you'd be a cannibal. I mean a banan-i-ball.
Why can't fat kids play poker?
They eat all the chips.
When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.
Why does my mum eat carrots?
Once I ate a table... it was food consuming.
If a gay person is vegan, how does he have sex? He will keep getting meat stuck in his ass and in his throat.
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
What do you call a food fight that's been going on for years?
A war of nutrition.
What can a duck eat for a snack? Saltine quackers!
Guy: You won't eat a human, so why do you eat meat?
Other Guy: It is bold of you to think I won't eat a human.
Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.
I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...
Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!
