Mayo jokes

What does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common?

They can both squirt out their cum.

I wanted to have sex, but I share a room with my brother, so we made a code. "Tomato" for faster, and "cheese" for more, and I shouted, "Tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese." My brother said, "Stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayo on my bed!"

If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?

Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!

Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.

What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.

What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?

Cinco De Mayo.

I named my horse Mayo.

Mayo neighs.

America is filled with MAYO MONKEYS (you could make a mayo sandwich!).

My friend and I joined a french fry eating contest, but I just couldn't ketchup. So we switched to cheeseburgers, but I still couldn't mustard up the speed to lettuce win. I mayo not have thought this through.

So we switched to fruits, but when it got to the watermelons, I started to feel a little green. My friend couldn't seed the point of us continuing anymore. I just couldn't digest the stress, I guess! :D

Mayonnaise marry me?

Why can't an orphan see their parents? Because there is mayo in his dick hole.

May.

May and its gang.

You walk into a McDonald's and you ask for some extra mayo, and they put too much on there.

I say I didn't order a "McCumshot."