Diet jokes
If you are a banana, why don't you eat a banana?
Oh right, you'd be a cannibal. I mean a banan-i-ball.
Your mum's so fat that when she goes to KFC, they run out of stock of chicken.
Once I ate a table... it was food consuming.
Why does my mum eat carrots?
When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.
The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.
Why can't lesbians wear makeup while on a diet?
Because they can't eat Jenny Craig while Mary Kay is sitting on their face.
Guy: You won't eat a human, so why do you eat meat?
Other Guy: It is bold of you to think I won't eat a human.
If you are fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.
Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.
If a gay person is vegan, how does he have sex? He will keep getting meat stuck in his ass and in his throat.
What do you call a food fight that's been going on for years?
A war of nutrition.
What can a duck eat for a snack? Saltine quackers!
I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...
Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!
My diet:
Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done.
If a girl is vegan and she's dating a transgender person, does that mean she's eating fake meat too?