Diet jokes
Guy: You won't eat a human, so why do you eat meat?
Other Guy: It is bold of you to think I won't eat a human.
I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...
Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!
My diet:
Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...
If a gay person is vegan, how does he have sex? He will keep getting meat stuck in his ass and in his throat.
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
Memes
What do you call a food fight that's been going on for years?
A war of nutrition.
What can a duck eat for a snack? Saltine quackers!
Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.
Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'
How many potatoes to feed the elephant?
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done.
Your mum eats cabbage.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.
If a vegan and a vegan have a fight, is it still considered beef?
Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.
Adin, you should consider eating pencil lead, you fat cat lover, only if you're the new Adin from FF though xoxo da babby.
Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?
Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.
Mom, start eating, or else you will get fatter!