Diet jokes
"Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake."
I thought about going on an all-almond diet.
But that’s just nuts.
What did the frog order?
A diet Croak!
Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.
Why did the blonde snort artificial sweetener?
She thought it was diet coke.
What is a Jamaican's idea of a balanced diet?
A joint in each hand.
Bean.
Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?
Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
I bet you go grocery shopping at the Twinkie Factory.
Never eat more than you can lift.
Rabbit poop is cereal.
Why I can’t be skinny? I hurt myself for fatting. - Jenny
Hello please I want gain wait. - Jenny year later.
What do you call a living Panera Bread?
Panera Breath.
Why do vegans use blowjobs?
Because they can’t take real meat.
You know why morning food digests so quickly.
Because it breaks fast.
How do lions 🦁 like their steak?
"Roar!"
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.