Diet jokes
What did the frog order?
A diet Croak!
I thought about going on an all-almond diet.
But that’s just nuts.
"Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake."
Bean.
Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?
Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.
Memes
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Never eat more than you can lift.
I bet you go grocery shopping at the Twinkie Factory.
Rabbit poop is cereal.
Why I can’t be skinny? I hurt myself for fatting. - Jenny
Hello please I want gain wait. - Jenny year later.
What do you call a living Panera Bread?
Panera Breath.
Why do vegans use blowjobs?
Because they can’t take real meat.
How do lions 🦁 like their steak?
"Roar!"
You know why morning food digests so quickly.
Because it breaks fast.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.
I had to give up my vegetarian diet.
Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
They struggled to lift the weights, but I got watermelon to keep me in shape.
If you think the guy calling you fat is offensive,
Try salad 🥗.