Diet jokes
What is a Jamaican's idea of a balanced diet?
A joint in each hand.
When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!
Yo mama so fat, the only letters that she knows are KFC.
You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.
How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?
She lost her taste.
Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?
She thought it was Diet Coke.
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.
"I only eat food on the right of my plate."
"Are you good at eating?"
"I'm alright at eating."
Bean.
Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?
Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
I bet you go grocery shopping at the Twinkie Factory.
Never eat more than you can lift.
Rabbit poop is cereal.
You know why morning food digests so quickly.
Because it breaks fast.
How do lions 🦁 like their steak?
"Roar!"
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.
What do you call a living Panera Bread?
Panera Breath.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.