Diet jokes
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.
Bean.
Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?
Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
I bet you go grocery shopping at the Twinkie Factory.
Memes
Never eat more than you can lift.
Rabbit poop is cereal.
What do you call a living Panera Bread?
Panera Breath.
Why I can’t be skinny? I hurt myself for fatting. - Jenny
Hello please I want gain wait. - Jenny year later.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
You know why morning food digests so quickly.
Because it breaks fast.
How do lions 🦁 like their steak?
"Roar!"
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.
Why do vegans use blowjobs?
Because they can’t take real meat.
They struggled to lift the weights, but I got watermelon to keep me in shape.
What do you get when you gobble down sweets?
If you think the guy calling you fat is offensive,
Try salad 🥗.
What do kids call a balanced meal?
A hamburger in each hand! XD XD XD XD