Death jokes
What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"
Welcome to Morgan's Morgue and Pizzeria where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!
I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.
He had a change of race tho when he died.
I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"
Mom: Quit making suicidal jokes!
Me: Don't worry, it will all be over soon, Mom!
Mom: ❓❓❓
Tried committing suicide last night...
Never doing that shit again, I almost killed myself!
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
Technoblade would love it here.
Where does the orphan go when he's done with school? To the cemetery.
Where do suicide bombers go after death?
Everywhere.
I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.
I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, I also got jealous.
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?
don't leave me hanging.
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: I've got you flowers.
Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?
Doctor: They're for your grave.
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."
Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.