Death jokes

I once told an orphan to go big or go home. He replied, "I can't get home; it got bombed."

You were sad because your grandmother died.

The next day, you were washing your face, and you realize sadness made your face BLUE.

What hood do zombies come from?

Dead Ends.

If the genie from Aladdin was here, my three wishes would be for you to die, your kids to have a miserable life, and for everyone you love to die.

Potters are dead xoxoxoxoxox.

I work at a morgue and we wrap the bodies in bubble wrap.

I was working the night shift and just looking at the security cameras, but then I heard popping behind me!

The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Not your dad."

Then he says, "What comes after 47?"

The quiet kid says, "AK."

Thanks for the birthday wishes. It's been an odd one this year, as some of you know, my father suddenly passed away on my birthday last year, and anyone who knew the old man knew he had a sledgehammer wit!

Good on ya dad, ya definitely got the last laugh!

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

I will never forget my grandpa's last words: "You still holding the ladder, son?"

Why did the frog cross the road?

To show his gang that he had guts.

How did the lesbian die? Homicide.

Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?

Because it wasn't born yesterday.

The reason Stephen Hawkings died is probably because he fell off his wheelchair, and he must've pressed shut down by accident.

Why did Michael Jackson die?

Because I have a new phone number, and he does not know.

Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.

Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.

The doctor gave his patient 1 day of life, so he shot him. Then the judge gave him 15 years, so there you go, problem solved.

What do you do when you see a naked dead girl?

Check your map, you're obviously going in circles.

What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?

"Can I have a bodybag?"