How do you make a sad person jump?
A bridge.
Death Jokes
Tried committing suicide last night...
Never doing that shit again, I almost killed myself!
what's the difference between an emo and an apple? the apple falls to the ground while the emo just hangs there.
What room does a ghost not want to be in?
The living room.
What was found under MJ's pillow after he died?
Billy's jeans.
Michael Jackson died of shock when he found out Boys II Men wasn't a delivery service.
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day.
Give a man a poison fish, feed him for a lifetime.
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?
The grim reaper.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
He wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
Died and came back a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.
Everyone's had a mind-blowing day before, just ask JFK.
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."
How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad? You stab it 23 times.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"
