Death jokes
Doctor: You'll be at peace soon, sir.
Me: What? Am I dying?
Doctor: No, your wife is.
Why are orphans so bad at learning about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.
So, I met Michael Jackson before he died. He dragged me to his bed.
When the school shooter kills five people, and the autistic kid yells, "Heroes never die!"
How do you kill a Catholic?
Crucify them...
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
I always sucked at mazes. I found myself lost over and over again, but if life is a labyrinth, I'd always find the escape. The final dead end, my personal favorite...
Why do orphans sleep in a double bed?
Because their parents aren't!
What does an orphan have in common with an 80-year-old woman? Their parents will never come back.
What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over?
A corpse, of course!
It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.
My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
What do you call suicidal Hitler?
Slitler.
Your mom is so fat she won't be in a coffin when she dies. She won't fit in it.
I got you the candy. Haha! You idiot, it's poison!
What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?
A dead person does not walkie or talkie.
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
Who's the closest family member to Paul Walker?
Answer: The tree.
What is the difference between George Floyd and Kobe?
Kobe got air.