Death jokes
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
Don't be scared of skeletons.
They don't have the guts for murder.
I will pay someone to kill me.
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
What’s George Floyd’s favorite color? Neon black.
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: I've got you flowers.
Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?
Doctor: They're for your grave.
Where does the orphan go when he's done with school? To the cemetery.
Where do suicide bombers go after death?
Everywhere.
I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.
He had a change of race tho when he died.
What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"
Welcome to Morgan's Morgue and Pizzeria where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?
don't leave me hanging.
I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, I also got jealous.