Morgue Jokes

Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?"

Doctor: "To the morgue."

Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor."

Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."

a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion

Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.

Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.

Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.

Welcome to Morgan's Morgue and Pizzeria where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!

"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"

"To the morgue."

"What? But I’m not dead yet!"

"And we’re not there yet."

My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking."

If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?

I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.

Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!

Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?

Doctor: To the morgue.

Man: But I’m not dead yet.

Doctor: Are we there yet?

Putting WiFi in the morgue to enable live streaming.

Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?

Doctor: The morgue.

Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!

Doctor: And we're not there yet!

When they walk in and you're fucking... everyone at the morgue.

I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.

What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over?

A corpse, of course!

He’s not dead, just his storage unit.

A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."

"Interesting."

"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

I work at a morgue and we wrap the bodies in bubble wrap.

I was working the night shift and just looking at the security cameras, but then I heard popping behind me!

Mom: “Guess where I’m taking you, son!”

Son: “To the playground?”

Mom: “No, to the morgue.”