Death jokes
What's grosser than gross? A truckload of dead babies.
What's grosser than that? A live one at the bottom.
What's grosser than that? When he eats his way out.
Grosser than that? When he goes back for more.
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
If you bet on Russian roulette, even if you win, you still lose.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To end his pain and suffering.
Memes
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
Teacher: "I used to be an orphan once."
Student: "That’s sad."
Teacher: "Anyways, who is away today?"
Student: "Your parents."
What happened after Technoblade died?
Everyone got raw pork chop.
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.
Give a man a plane ticket, he’ll fly for a day. Push a man out of a plane flying 10,000 miles up, he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
I still remember my grandpa's last words, "Stop wobbling the ladder, you cunt!"
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in seconds.
Where did Lucy go after the bombing?
Everywhere.
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.
What’s red and very rare?
A baby in a blender.