An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
At least when I fucked it.
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
Well, at least the one I fucked did.
What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?
Kill their parents.
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
What's a dying person's least favorite app? TikTok.
Everyone likes orphans but their parents.
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
What instrument can a skeleton never play?
An organ.
What do you do with a dead chemist?
You Ni-tro-gen!
My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
My favorite place to make a bonfire? Orphanages, of course, silly!
I bet emos get jealous when their phone dies.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
