Death jokes
Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.
He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"
"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.
Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"
Your mum is so fat when she died the Earth was flat! 😂😂😂😂
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.
As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?
What do you get when you have 10 chicken nuggets and little Jimmy tries to take one?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead little Jimmy.
Tried committing suicide last night...
Never doing that shit again, I almost killed myself!
Well.
If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.
What's the best part about a dead hooker? The second hour is free!
Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?
Jack: Bad News first.
Mother: I'm dying!
Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.
Mother: *cries*
Jack was never seen again.
For sale: Wheelchair, one careful owner, no longer needed.
Kms.
I thought it was polite to open the door for a lady, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
How do you make an orphan clap until his hands bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.
How do you make a plumber sad? You kill his family.
I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.
What does Diana stand for?
Died In A Nasty Accident.
I'm a magician. Watch my closing act at the end of the rope.
What am I gonna do on the 5th anniversary of the Parkland shooting?
Shoot a load in you just like I shot those kids ;)
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?
don't leave me hanging.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/