Death jokes

What's the difference between a Lambo and 100 dead babies?

I don't have a Lambo in my garage.

I should probably stop making abortion jokes.

After all, the aborted babies aren't laughing.

What did the tree say to the emo kid? Wanna hang?

I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."

Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.

Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.

What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?

They can't reach 30.

I'm never going bungee jumping because a cord bridged me into the world. It's not taking me out.

Why did the orphan run into the street? To get to the other side of life.

The ocean will kill you to death expensively if you're on Titanic. Buying the tickets was a waste of money.

My poem, roses are red, violets are blue. I will die very soon. 🔪

What were Princess Diana's last words?

Have you been Dri...?

After a suicide joke say, "Don't leave me hanging, or I'll cut it out."

A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”

How do you tell when your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."

Did you hear about the emo kid that tried to high-five a tree? It left him hanging.

The reason Stephen Hawking died was because his ethernet cable disconnected.

So an emo shot themselves, and so the detective decides to ask why, but it just goes in one ear and out the other.

My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."

"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.

Except at a funeral.