Death jokes
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
What do you call someone smart and dead?
Stephen Hawking...
Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.
The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.
The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"
What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."
My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
Went to my friend's house, fucked his sister.
I had a fun funeral / birthday.
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
If you bet on Russian roulette, even if you win, you still lose.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To end his pain and suffering.
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
What happened after Technoblade died?
Everyone got raw pork chop.
Teacher: "I used to be an orphan once."
Student: "That’s sad."
Teacher: "Anyways, who is away today?"
Student: "Your parents."
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
I still remember my grandpa's last words, "Stop wobbling the ladder, you cunt!"
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in seconds.