Death jokes
What’s red and very rare?
A baby in a blender.
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that?
The baby at the bottom of the pile is still alive.
What's worse than that?
The baby at the bottom of pile is eating its way out.
What’s the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is ten kids in one container; morbid humor is one kid in ten containers.
I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
Stephen Hawking didn’t die.
His charger broke.
I will always remember my dad's last words....
"15 dollars and I'll jump."
Stephen Hawking was one of the best scientists ever. Now he's walking up the steps of he... No, he's not walking up the steps of heaven.
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
Kobe would still be alive if he would have gone to jail for raping that girl.
My grandpa said I was too reliant on technology when he saw me on my phone. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Orphans go to church to call someone father.
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To end his pain and suffering.
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
At least when I fucked it.