Death jokes
Wanna hear something bad? A pile of dead babies.
Wanna hear something worse? The one at the bottom is still alive.
Wanna hear something worse than that? He has to eat his way out.
Wanna hear something that's the worst? He comes back for seconds.
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
What do you call someone smart and dead?
Stephen Hawking...
What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.
Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.
The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.
The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"
What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."
My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
Went to my friend's house, fucked his sister.
I had a fun funeral / birthday.
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To end his pain and suffering.
If you bet on Russian roulette, even if you win, you still lose.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
What happened after Technoblade died?
Everyone got raw pork chop.
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
Teacher: "I used to be an orphan once."
Student: "That’s sad."
Teacher: "Anyways, who is away today?"
Student: "Your parents."
Give a man a plane ticket, he’ll fly for a day. Push a man out of a plane flying 10,000 miles up, he’ll fly for the rest of his life.