Death jokes
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
My boss had the heart of a child.
In a jar. On his desk.
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
He wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He ran out of data.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"
An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.
Died and came back a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.
what was Juice WRLD before he was famous?
Answer: alive.
Why couldn’t people use the George Floyd action figure? Because it was vacuum sealed.
What falls to the ground first if an apple and an emo kid fall from a tree?
The apple because the rope caught the emo kid.
My dad died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
What did the rope and the tree say to the kid?
Do you want to hang later?
What do you call a dead baby?
Spawn killed.
An emo kid walked to me holding a rope, and asked: "Do you want to join my family tree?"
My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.