Why can't Juice Wrld play Black Ops II?
Because he can't handle 6 perks.
Death Jokes
My boss had the heart of a child.
In a jar. On his desk.
Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"
What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.
Kenny was into incest until his mom died.
Now he's into necrophilia.
My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
Why couldn’t people use the George Floyd action figure? Because it was vacuum sealed.
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me.
Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.
Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"
What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?
They both have something hanging in their closet.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words...
Oh fuck, it’s a bus!
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.
Me and my brother were called the twin towers. My brother lived up to his title after the plane crash.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
I used to be into necrophilia. Until that rotten cunt split on me...
