Death jokes
Why are orphans so bad at learning about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
Technoblade NPC: Gets removed from Minecraft!
Technoblade: Gets removed from real life!
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
I wonder if Stephen Hawking heard the song "Gangster's Paradise." Oh, shit, he can't!
What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?
I cried when I cut up the onions.
I would kill for something to eat--the cannibal.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The chicken was in 666 pieces after being molested by Gerard brutally with a rail gun covered in spears covered in his lymph. His beak was ripped open and shoved in his feet after glass shards were shoved into his eyes until they came out the other side. His feet were nailed to the ground.
What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?
A dead person does not walkie or talkie.
"Most Deadly Sport"
Playing chicken with a train!
Some people think Bin Laden is dead, but some think he's alive.
He is the Al-Qaeda Elvis.
Why do orphans sleep in a double bed?
Because their parents aren't!
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
Who's the closest family member to Paul Walker?
Answer: The tree.
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead.
Hey, do you know why America sucks? We have the death penalty.
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)