Dark Humor
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
What's long and black?
The line to KFC.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What's the difference between an orphan and an Egyptian?
Egyptians have mummies.
Me and my friend (rope) like hanging out.
Did the tree high five the emos?
No, he just left them hanging.
Q: Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning?
A: Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.
My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn't she get up?
She had no friends.
Knock Knock (Who's there?)
Not Sally...
When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.
"Just say no to drugs!"
Well, if I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
I asked, "Mom, what's that in the sky?"
Mom replied with, "That's your father."
What is Bill Cosby's favorite poem? Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till your asleep to rape you.
The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?
I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.
Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.