Dark Humor
Joke: I went to a paraplegic strip club the other day, the place was crawling with pussy.
What was the last thing to go through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Bully: "Hey little Timmy, you look like an ugly rat."
Timmy: "Well, at least I'm a good chef and I'm in a movie, unlike you."
Bully: Dies from embarrassment. 😱
The "W" in Africa stands for water.
How do terrorists feed their children?
Here comes the airplane.
Q: Why are medication pills white?
A: Because they work.
What do you call an emo with a knife?
A cutting board.
I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
A rich man and a poor man are talking about anniversaries. The rich man got his wife a Mercedes and a diamond ring. He says if the wife does not like the ring, she can take the Mercedes and leave.
The poor man said he got his wife slippers and a dildo. He says if his wife does not like the slippers, she can go and fuck herself.
I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:
The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"
How do you get a million fans?
Just run through Africa with a bottle of water.
How do you get an emo kid to jump?
A bridge.
I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"
There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.
She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."
Son said, "But I can't see."
Mom said, "That's the point."
What's the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other blowjobs.
A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.
He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.
The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.
On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
Q: What's the best part about working at an abortion clinic?
A: You don't have to buy dog food.
In Syria, there are no Walmarts, only Targets.