Dark Humor
I ate a baby, it tasted like baby.
What’s worse than nailing 10 babies to 1 tree?
Nailing 1 baby to 10 trees.
Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?
Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
Rope: Hey buddy! Want to hang?
Me: Maybe I can hang later...
Cock: Can I have attention from your Dad now?
What did the rope say to my depressed ass?
~ Hey, you wanna hang?
This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"
I replied, "I done it as a joke."
-April 1, 2020
In my free time, I like to help blind people.
Verb, not adjective.
A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”
“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”
What do you call an emo dating another emo?
The suicide duo.
Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.
How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
I am dark humor.
Why don't we have female magicians?
'Cause the last ones got hanged.
What did one depressed kid say to the other?
Hey, wanna hang together?
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?
They're both crazy and now dead.
What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?
Some people don’t pick it.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.
How many children does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Not 27, because my basement is still dark.