Dark Humor
I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
What's another name for 9/11?
A forbidden game of Jenga.
Why do Emos always wear black like ninjas?
Because they're always cutting.
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.
Why is America bad at playing Clash of Clans?
Because they already lost two towers.
Why is the bottom of the ocean so dark?
Because the Africans couldn't swim.
What do u call an Asian that was born at the wrong time?
Wrong тайминг.
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
Q: Why are medication pills white?
A: Because they work.
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.
What's long and black?
The line to KFC.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
Dead baby jokes never get old...
How do you get a million fans?
Just run through Africa with a bottle of water.
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
I got my daughter a trampoline for her birthday. The ungrateful bitch just sat there in her wheelchair and cried.
What did John Cena say to the blind man? "YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"
What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.