Q: What's the difference between a suicide vest and a feminist?
A: At least one does something when it is triggered.
Q: Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning?
A: Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
What's common between the penis and a Rubik's cube?
Both get hard when we play with them.
When a clock goes forward, it goes "tic-tac," but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic.
Dark humor is like having parents, not everybody gets them.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.
Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.
What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
What’s the difference between a dad and a boulder?
About 15 stone.
Spend all night in a dark humor webpage.
Go to an orphanage today and read it to them.
And I'm sure if you go to a school for disabled children, they should understand it.
What’s long and black?
The line at KFC.
Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.
What’s black and sits on top of the stairs?
Christopher Reeves in a house fire.
I asked, "Mom, what's that in the sky?"
Mom replied with, "That's your father."
What’s bin Laden got in common with SpongeBob?
Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, and they’re filled with holes.
I ate a baby, it tasted like baby.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.
If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
I hate double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
Me: Hey! Do you know how to tie a knot?
Person: Yea, why?
Me: Cause I need help tying this noose :)
What's common between a feminist and a knife?
They both stay in the kitchen.
