Dark Humor
My humour is so dark that its life matters.
I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"
One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments.
I was telling the emo kid emo jokes, and I couldn’t read them because I was laughing too hard. I almost cut the emo kid. He wasn’t laughing at the jokes.
My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.
I am dark humor.
What did the person with no hands get for Christmas?
He didn't open it yet.
What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
Why did the teacher get the death penalty? Because she gave an orphan homework. That's on period. #darkhumor
Joke: Genders are much like the twin towers. They used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”
They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
How do pedophiles follow the law?
They drive it slow in the school zone.
What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?
Dark humor never dies!
I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.
What's another name for 9/11?
A forbidden game of Jenga.
I once saw a noose joke.
I wanna know how to make one :D