My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."
I am the danger.
I've got a job defusing landmines.
It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
I still don't know what's the worst, most dangerous place to take your children on holiday, but, for certain, it's either Vatican City or Neverland Ranch.
Where did Joe go after getting lost on the mine field?
Everywhere.
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.
Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.
Balloon 1: Watch out for cactus!
Balloon 2: Where is cactussssssss?
What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?
Stopping it with a pitchfork.
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?
Because she fell into a minefield.
ElectroBOOM is a SHOCKING YouTuber! (I can't believe he is still alive!)
I was just sitting down when all of a sudden she screamed, "Help!"
A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."
The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"
So this one time I saw Sally trying to get up after she fell off the swing, and I helped her up and she said "Thank you," and I said, "You're welcome." The next day I saw her legs and someone said, "I would not do that," and I said, "Whatever." I tapped Sally, and the top halve fell. I said, "WHAT HAPPENED TO SALLY?" And someone said she went in a minefield.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
