Danger jokes
Why don't you take emo skydiving?
They cut the rope.
Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?
"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."
I love jumping off cliffs.
True fact: School shooters aren’t dangerous to you if you're the school shooter.
My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."
Why are ninjas' farts so dangerous? Because they're silent and deadly.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
Where did Sally go when she went in the minefield?
Everywhere.
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
*School Shooter Walks In*
That one kid who plays "Pumped Up Kicks" at max volume.
I've got a job defusing landmines.
It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.
Where did Joe go after getting lost on the mine field?
Everywhere.
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.
What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?
Stopping it with a pitchfork.
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
Balloon 1: Watch out for cactus!
Balloon 2: Where is cactussssssss?
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.