when you don't have a phone to play Fruit Ninja and improvise.
I am the danger.
What kind of shoes do kidnappers wear?
White vans.
Gently throw a baby off a ten story building!
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."
Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."
Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"
This isn’t a joke. Quiet kid jokes are so cliché. Like since when was there an original quiet kid joke like smh. Doesn’t help because I’m a quiet kid and people act as if I’m so dangerous and it’s like the only thing they say to me. Being judged as some big bad monster for being AN INTROVERT!! These jokes used to be funny to me, but now I’m just sick of them...
I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.
Cristiano Clapnaldo woke up FEELING DANGEROUS against Real Sociedad!
- 0 tapins! - 0 assists! - 3/3 dives! - 0 key passes! - 2 big chances missed! - 1/4 dribbles! - 2 Offsides! - 27 claps!
Better than Elanga?
I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.
Kid: Mom! You lied to me!
Mom: When?
Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!
Mom: Sooo?
Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?
Mom: WHAT!!!??!!
"I put the tin foil in the microwave, ma!"
When you’re in India and you start hearing a tick, tick, tick, tick, you run!
My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."
True fact: School shooters aren’t dangerous to you if you're the school shooter.
What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?
Stopping it with a pitchfork.
I love jumping off cliffs.
What do you call a criminal?
Disarmed and dangerous.
Little Johnny went to the beach, found some cocaine, and died. The end.
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"
A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!
