Danger jokes
A young boy was picked up by a strange young man who put him in his car and drove into an abandoned farm.
"This place looks scary," the kid said.
And the man replies, "I know right, I have to walk out of there alone."
Yo mama is so pretty, she could get in a car crash because boys are staring at her.
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
One day I was texting my friend on Roblox and I made her mad. She told me she was gonna kill me.
That night, she told me to meet her at the bathroom at 2 PM sharp, but she made "sharp" in all caps. So I went to the bathroom at 2 PM the next day. Now I know what she meant by "SHARP" on Roblox... she brought a knife, and I was in hell by then. Like for the next part!
Got kidnapped in Iran. Luckily, I ran.
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboom.
Your soul is black. I have 4 guns, little kid. Get in the van before I shoot you!
I still don't know what's the worst, most dangerous place to take your children on holiday, but, for certain, it's either Vatican City or Neverland Ranch.
Why are planes the most dangerous killers?
Because they killed 2,996 people in 10-25 minutes.
I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.
If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
The 9/11 and the Spanish flu are kind of similar.
The Spanish flu was a very dangerous flu, and in 9/11, something very dangerous flew.
when you don't have a phone to play Fruit Ninja and improvise.
I am the danger.
What kind of shoes do kidnappers wear?
White vans.
Gently throw a baby off a ten story building!
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make noise after you throw them.
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."
Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."
Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"