Danger jokes
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?
When you drop them both, everyone screams.
What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?
The Mikey Jackson club.
How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?
M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N
Rape can happen to anybody, so I think I will continue taking the short cut home through the dark alleyways, wearing barely anything and walk really close to bushes.
Someone said to stop hurting myself, but I'm still trying to cut my arms off.
Hi, I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hairdryer.
I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hair dryer.
I've got a job defusing landmines.
It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.
You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.
*School Shooter Walks In*
That one kid who plays "Pumped Up Kicks" at max volume.
Teacher: What comes after C?
Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!
Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?
Me: AK47!!!
Teacher thought: Oh hell na.
Teacher: What comes after X?
Me: Xplosin.
1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make a loud noise when thrown.
I always use chloroform when stealing a child.
Making a comforting breakfast.
But you have a knife.
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
Don't turn the toaster sideways, worst mistake of my life.
A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?
(Getting brutally murdered.)
What do you say to a guy with Down syndrome who’s on top of a sky scraper? "Jump!"