Danger jokes
Someone said to stop hurting myself, but I'm still trying to cut my arms off.
Hi, I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hairdryer.
I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hair dryer.
I've got a job defusing landmines.
It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.
You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.
*School Shooter Walks In*
That one kid who plays "Pumped Up Kicks" at max volume.
Teacher: What comes after C?
Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!
Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?
Me: AK47!!!
Teacher thought: Oh hell na.
Teacher: What comes after X?
Me: Xplosin.
1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make a loud noise when thrown.
I always use chloroform when stealing a child.
Making a comforting breakfast.
But you have a knife.
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
Don't turn the toaster sideways, worst mistake of my life.
A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?
(Getting brutally murdered.)
What do you say to a guy with Down syndrome who’s on top of a sky scraper? "Jump!"
A young boy was picked up by a strange young man who put him in his car and drove into an abandoned farm.
"This place looks scary," the kid said.
And the man replies, "I know right, I have to walk out of there alone."
Yo mama is so pretty, she could get in a car crash because boys are staring at her.
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
One day I was texting my friend on Roblox and I made her mad. She told me she was gonna kill me.
That night, she told me to meet her at the bathroom at 2 PM sharp, but she made "sharp" in all caps. So I went to the bathroom at 2 PM the next day. Now I know what she meant by "SHARP" on Roblox... she brought a knife, and I was in hell by then. Like for the next part!