Danger jokes

Hi, I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hairdryer.

I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hair dryer.

I've got a job defusing landmines.

It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.

You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.

*School Shooter Walks In*

That one kid who plays "Pumped Up Kicks" at max volume.

Teacher: What comes after C?

Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!

Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?

Me: AK47!!!

Teacher thought: Oh hell na.

Teacher: What comes after X?

Me: Xplosin.

1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.

A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.

My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*

Me: Yea-

My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*

Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-

What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make a loud noise when thrown.

I always use chloroform when stealing a child.

Making a comforting breakfast.

But you have a knife.

What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

Don't turn the toaster sideways, worst mistake of my life.

A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?

(Getting brutally murdered.)

What do you say to a guy with Down syndrome who’s on top of a sky scraper? "Jump!"

A young boy was picked up by a strange young man who put him in his car and drove into an abandoned farm.

"This place looks scary," the kid said.

And the man replies, "I know right, I have to walk out of there alone."

Yo mama is so pretty, she could get in a car crash because boys are staring at her.

They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.

One day I was texting my friend on Roblox and I made her mad. She told me she was gonna kill me.

That night, she told me to meet her at the bathroom at 2 PM sharp, but she made "sharp" in all caps. So I went to the bathroom at 2 PM the next day. Now I know what she meant by "SHARP" on Roblox... she brought a knife, and I was in hell by then. Like for the next part!

Got kidnapped in Iran. Luckily, I ran.