Danger jokes
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
Where did Joe go after getting lost in a minefield?
Everywhere.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.
Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."
What did one twin say to the other?
"Watch out for the plane!"
I'm like dynamite, you'll never know when I explode.
How to kill a blind person.
Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.
Man: *steals drink*
Boy: bro😭😭
Man: Why are u crying over a drink?
Boy: That had drugs.
Man: ....
What is an Iraqi kid's favorite game?
Minesweeper.
Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?
They both make a sound when thrown.
What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
Oops!
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?
When you drop them both, everyone screams.
What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?
The Mikey Jackson club.
How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?
M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N
Rape can happen to anybody, so I think I will continue taking the short cut home through the dark alleyways, wearing barely anything and walk really close to bushes.