Danger jokes
What is the best type of bath bomb? A toaster.
In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
When the school shooter finally leaves your classroom, but then the autistic kid next to you's sketchers light up.
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common? They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."
Today, my mother was making breakfast. As she was tired, my brother asked if there was anything to do today.
She responded with a list:
- Take out the trash.
- Clean your room.
- Make lunch and be sure to butter the electrical sockets.
That’s all sweetie!
How do you start a rave?
Throw a flashbang into the epileptic ward of a hospital.
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Where is a place where people die?
Rosshall Academy.
The Toaster, otherwise known as the ultimate bath bomb.
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd get in the van if I were you...
I went scuba diving last year. It was fun, but at the end, I ran out of oxygen.
It was a breathtaking experience.
What's the difference between a yandere and a gun?
Nothing.
Flip them off the wrong way and you're dead.
Q: Why did the blind man fall into the well?
A: Because he couldn't see that well.
Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"
Mom: "He got inside a white van."
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."