What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
The reason why the "eating a tide pod" trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.
What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull in a children's play area.
How to fall down stairs.
Step 1. Step 2. Step 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that... I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.
A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out.
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.
Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her, and told her never to play with matches again.
A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire, and the house burned down.
Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors', her mother told her: "If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home!"
Little Natalie just cackled with delight because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.
What weighs 5 oz. and is very dangerous?
A sparrow with a machine gun, of course!
Who make hard candy for the kids?
Solve.
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
A: Free delivery.
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.
5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.
My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.
