What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?
Stopping it with a pitchfork.
I love jumping off cliffs.
What do you call a criminal?
Disarmed and dangerous.
Little Johnny went to the beach, found some cocaine, and died. The end.
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"
A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?
"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.
Hey guys,
I'm starting to think they don't have any candy in this van...
I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.
Gather 6 friends to play Russian roulette, and one's mind will be blown away.
You're more likely to be killed by a cow than by a shark.
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today.
Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.
Why don't you take emo skydiving?
They cut the rope.
What is yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of kids.
The toaster;
otherwise known as, the ultimate bath bomb.
This isn't a joke but...
GET IN THE VAN, JANICE!
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.
