I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
Crime Jokes
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
What do James Doyle and Hannah Doyle have in common?
John fucked them both in the rear.
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?
“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?
Someone gets hurt.
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
Miksi Michael lähti limusiinistä ulos?
Hän näki alastoman pojan.
What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?
Let us prey.
What did the cops say when someone called him racist?
"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."
If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents!
Hahaha come on people, they don't have parents, we can do what we like with them...
Rape...hurt...and sell them!
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail?
There is a small medium at large.
Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gonna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘re re‘ and you're like ‘re re’ yourself, motherfucker, and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SURPRISE, the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!
When I was very young...
My classmates played a game called kiss chase. Some were really good at catching the girls and then kissing them.
They are rapists now.
How are abortion and rape different? At least the rape victim usually deserves it and isn't defenseless.
What do you call a butt that kills people?
An ASSassin :)
