Crime jokes
What do you call anal rape?
Ass cream.
If Hillary and Biden got locked in a room together, all they would talk about is how to ruin America and make a plan to steal children.
One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.
Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."
Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?
Tj: Good... you?
Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!
Tj: 😏.
Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!
Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?
Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.
Tj: NO!!!!!!
1 day later.
Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩👧👦
Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.
The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"
How do you make a baby cry?
You run over it with a lawn mower.
You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!
When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? She can wash her crack and resell it.
Why don’t pedophiles win races?
They like to come in a little behind.
I was digging in my backyard and found a chest of coins. I wanted to run inside and tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging in the backyard.
I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.
The orphan also had to cry because the cartels called him "homie."
Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.
Miksi Michael lähti limusiinistä ulos?
Hän näki alastoman pojan.
What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?
The prisoner is wanted!