Crime jokes
Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?
Tj: Good... you?
Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!
Tj: 😏.
Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!
Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?
Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.
Tj: NO!!!!!!
1 day later.
Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩👧👦
Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.
The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"
How do you make a baby cry?
You run over it with a lawn mower.
I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
Who is Bill Cosby’s favorite Disney princess?
Sleeping Beauty.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.
The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.
Why should you always wear rubber?
So you don’t leave DNA evidence.
What did the cops say when someone called him racist?
"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."
What do you get when you cross A-Rod with Chris Brown?
Cheater, cheater, woman beater!
My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.
He was charged for impersonating a police officer.
Q: What's red during puberty?
A: The blood on my hands.
What's the hardest part of being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
Q: Why did Bill Cosby get away with it?
A: Because the women were all Cosby-ing for it!
After the drive-by, Tupac became known as Pewpac.
Maybe the reason there isn't any physical evidence is because it didn't happen.
What did one orphan say to another orphan?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin!"
1, 2, I have a gun.
3, 4, I am in a school.
5, 6, Everyone on the ground!
I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.