Crime jokes

I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...

Banker: I have the right to take your money!

Me: Check my name.

Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?

Banker: *realizes*

Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.

I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.

Q: Why did Bill Cosby get away with it?

A: Because the women were all Cosby-ing for it!

1, 2, I have a gun.

3, 4, I am in a school.

5, 6, Everyone on the ground!

After the drive-by, Tupac became known as Pewpac.

Maybe the reason there isn't any physical evidence is because it didn't happen.

What did one orphan say to another orphan?

"Get in the Batmobile, Robin!"

What did the cops say when someone called him racist?

"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."

If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.

Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.

Miksi Michael lähti limusiinistä ulos?

Hän näki alastoman pojan.

Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?

He got caught playing with his Privates!

Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile. That's a big word for a six-year-old.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? She can wash her crack and resell it.

A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.

Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.

What do you call the Gray Man in an electric chair? Fried Fish.

Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.

I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.