Crime jokes
There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.
Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.
What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?
When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.
Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they like to feel wanted!
Why don't pirates take a bath before walking the plank?
'Cause they just wash up onshore.
What's red and got makeup all over?
A Bill Cosby victim.
What's young, red, and has hot PTSD?
Prince Andrew's victims.
I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.
What do you call a gay drive-by?
A fruit roll-up.
Why do most orphans become criminals?
Then finally they know what it’s like to be wanted.
What's the difference between the woods and a hooker?
Some hookers have passions for nature. Other hookers will Kill ThEIR Tricks for payback!!!!!!
I've been looking for my parents for years. For the life of me, I can't remember where I buried them.
Orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be disappointed.
I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen." So, I did what I had to do and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!
Yo yo Zac, have you Amber HEARD about the Johnny Depp case? ARRRRRRRRRRR!
A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.
The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.
The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”
How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?
It depends on how thin you slice them.
True fact: School shooters aren’t dangerous to you if you're the school shooter.
One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.
To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.
Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!