Crime jokes

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

What did the priest say during the christening?

"So anyway, I started blasting!"

I am the danger.

I went to the shops and still didn’t find Lucy’s dad.

Yo mama so fat, when she was wearing black by a bank which was getting robbed, they thought, "AHH SWAT!"

I killed 5 orphans and tried to sell their organs.

Nobody still wanted them.

A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.

The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.

The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”

Q: How do you know when someone is an opposition leader to Putin?

A: When they are falling from their balcony.

What do you call a terrorist on a wheelchair?

C4.

What do you call a pedo with no legs? A creepy crawly.

I have been charged, because I roasted a kid at a barbeque.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

He pirated GTA VI Hindi No Virus 2022.

You call it a school shooting.

I call it an unfair shootout.

I'm going to burn Braden Mitchell Kniffen's house down.

Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.

Why are orphans never in jail?

Because they're never wanted.

I got sent to the principal's office today because I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and screamed, "HOT WHEELS!"

Why is the white man in prison scarier than the black one?

The white one actually did it!

Why did Jeffrey get blood on his shoe?

Because this teen just started her period!

How do you kill a sheep?

You lamb shank it!