Crime jokes

What's young, red, and has hot PTSD?

Prince Andrew's victims.

What is an orphan's dream?

To get on top of the wanted list! 🤣

Why was six afraid of seven?

Seven was a registered six offender.

Why don't pirates take a bath before walking the plank?

'Cause they just wash up onshore.

What's the difference between the woods and a hooker?

Some hookers have passions for nature. Other hookers will Kill ThEIR Tricks for payback!!!!!!

I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.

Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"

Why do orphans play GTA?

Because they like to feel wanted!

What do you call a gay drive-by?

A fruit roll-up.

I've been looking for my parents for years. For the life of me, I can't remember where I buried them.

On the plus side, Nicola Bulley no longer has a problem with alcohol.

Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.

Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!

The school shooter encounters the emo kid. He reaches for his gun, but the emo kid disappears. He then finds that his gun is not on him.

What is it called when a cop hides under his bed? Going undercover.

What does the school shooter do after shooting all the kids?

Shoot kids in them ;)

Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...

I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...

He could have married her!

Jeffrey Dahmer was craving 5 Guys before it was a restaurant.

The pie tasted weird today.

Then I realized that my mother likes cooking pie with human flesh from C town.

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

What would you like as your last meal?

Fried chicken. Extra crispy.