Crime jokes
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I have been tripping all day!
"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"
Me being raped is like my birth certificate; it doesn't expire.
A police officer pulls a man over. "Hands in the air!"
The man said, "Okay."
What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.
Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"
What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?
Only one is wanted.
1 like = 1 more child in my basement.
Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"
"My penis."
What happened to the police that crossed the road?
They solved a murder involving the nut case.
Me: "What are you doing??"
Bully: "Where's my nan's urn?!?"
Me: "I don't know."
Bully: "Tell me!! *says worthless shit*"
Me: "Next time you're looking for the urn, don't bother, I smoked her ashes. They were so fucking good. I then used a quarter of them as an exfoliator, cleared my acne and eczema btw!! Then built sandcastles with them, then blew them in your family's face after!"
Don't bully kids.
A cartoonist was found dead in his home.
The details are SKETCHY! :)
The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.
What do you call a black man with a gun? A gangsta.
What's a cannibal's favorite snack?
Men toes! 😂🤣
What was Osama bin Laden's favorite drink?
A double Manhattan.
Gf: "You are a drug."
Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"
Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."
It's only rape.
If she finds out.
Why do pedophiles go to a nursery?
Early access.
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.