Crime jokes
Q: Why did Bill Cosby get away with it?
A: Because the women were all Cosby-ing for it!
Most people call it grave robbing...
I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.
After the drive-by, Tupac became known as Pewpac.
1, 2, I have a gun.
3, 4, I am in a school.
5, 6, Everyone on the ground!
Maybe the reason there isn't any physical evidence is because it didn't happen.
What did one orphan say to another orphan?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin!"
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
Miksi Michael lähti limusiinistä ulos?
Hän näki alastoman pojan.
The orphan also had to cry because the cartels called him "homie."
Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?
“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.
What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?
The prisoner is wanted!
What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
I was digging in my backyard and found a chest of coins. I wanted to run inside and tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging in the backyard.
I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.