Crime jokes
What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.
9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
Why do eight-year-old girls wear panties with flowers on?
In loving memory of all the faces that were buried in there.
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"
Michelle Obama wanted more vegetables in school.
Incest. A game the whole family can play.
Why did the person go to jail? He committed a crime.
What do 9/10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
Why is the white man in prison scarier than the black one?
The white one actually did it!
I was watching the news and heard a segment about a blind hooker who got stabbed 40 times.
At least she didn't see it coming.
What do you call a child predator and an illegal immigrant? Alien vs. Predator.
We shouldn't joke about rape, because rape is no laughing matter...
Unless you're being raped by a clown.
What did the pedophile say to the nutcracker?
"Aren't you a little too young to be doing that?"
My builder was extending my basement when he questioned me because he found three dead kids in a corner tied together.
"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"
"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."
"I meant the ice cream, bro..."
Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
So, some ants in a colony go to war. They want some more troops and know that there are ants that went to wars as well. They call them war-ants.
They start barging into homes to search for more war-ants. They barge into a home, and the lady-ant goes, "Hey, why are you here? Can you please leave?" One of the ants replies with, "I'm sorry, but unless you have a war-ant, we have to keep searching your house."
Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.
A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,
"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"
The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.