Crime jokes
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
What do James Doyle and Hannah Doyle have in common?
John fucked them both in the rear.
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
What did one orphan say to another orphan?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin!"
got kidnapped
After the drive-by, Tupac became known as Pewpac.
Maybe the reason there isn't any physical evidence is because it didn't happen.
What is a pedophile's favorite planet?
Uranus.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.
You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"
Why don’t pedophiles win races?
They like to come in a little behind.
Most people call it grave robbing...
I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.
Miksi Michael lähti limusiinistä ulos?
Hän näki alastoman pojan.
I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.
1, 2, I have a gun.
3, 4, I am in a school.
5, 6, Everyone on the ground!
Q: Why did Bill Cosby get away with it?
A: Because the women were all Cosby-ing for it!
Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.
I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.
The orphan also had to cry because the cartels called him "homie."