Crime jokes
Maybe the reason there isn't any physical evidence is because it didn't happen.
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
What do James Doyle and Hannah Doyle have in common?
John fucked them both in the rear.
Memes
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?
“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
What did the cops say when someone called him racist?
"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
Miksi Michael lähti limusiinistä ulos?
Hän näki alastoman pojan.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents!
Hahaha come on people, they don't have parents, we can do what we like with them...
Rape...hurt...and sell them!
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail?
There is a small medium at large.
Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gonna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘re re‘ and you're like ‘re re’ yourself, motherfucker, and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SURPRISE, the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!
When I was very young...
My classmates played a game called kiss chase. Some were really good at catching the girls and then kissing them.
They are rapists now.
How are abortion and rape different? At least the rape victim usually deserves it and isn't defenseless.
What do you call a butt that kills people?
An ASSassin :)
What kind of file turns a 5mm hole into a 3cm hole?
A pedo-file.