Crime jokes

The orphan also had to cry because the cartels called him "homie."

Miksi Michael lähti limusiinistä ulos?

Hän näki alastoman pojan.

You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"

When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.

What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.

School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!

Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*

What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?

The prisoner is wanted!

I was digging in my backyard and found a chest of coins. I wanted to run inside and tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging in the backyard.

Why can an orphan never get picked up?

Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.

I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.

What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?

"Can I have a bodybag?"

Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?

He got caught playing with his Privates!

A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.

Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile. That's a big word for a six-year-old.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? She can wash her crack and resell it.

Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.

I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.