My dad died, so I dug his grave. I was asked why I murdered him. I answered, "Guess we'll never know who did it because he dug his own grave." My father was William Afton.
Crime Jokes
What's the most between my uncle and aunt?
My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.
How do you know you’ve been robbed by an Asian?
The house is clean, the homework is done, but the idiot is having trouble backing out of the driveway.
When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.
I hate these double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium and you're doing a good thing, burn a body at home and you're destroying evidence.
She said no, so I raped her.
What do you call a low budget terrorist attack?
7/11
Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it wanted to look up a 10 year old girl’s skirt.
When I was a little boy, I had this dream. I was eating a giant marshmallow.
When I woke, I was being sexually abused.
I was raped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
Worst jokes ever? More like I killed an old man in 2012 in Oklahoma City at that nasty Red Lobster, not the one near the freeway, and hid the body in a creek!
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and called it "Hot Wheels."
Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?
Why did John rape his mother? Because he wanted a brother to play Mario Kart with.
God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.
When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?
When the school shooter is about to leave the school, and then the autistic kid screams, "Hooray!"
A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.
Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"
Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"
Priest: "Fuck the children."
Rabbi: "Do we have time?"
Priest: "There's always time for something like that."
The coffee was getting mugged, so it called 911.
Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 100 pounds of crack.
