Crime jokes
I was digging in my backyard and found a chest of coins. I wanted to run inside and tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging in the backyard.
Why can an orphan never get picked up?
Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
Memes
I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.
I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.
Why do orphans like pedos? Because they have someone to call "daddy."
What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?
"Can I have a bodybag?"
Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?
“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”
What do James Doyle and Hannah Doyle have in common?
John fucked them both in the rear.
Why did the MOSFET go to jail?
It had a charge for battery.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his ass.
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
Who is Bill Cosby’s favorite Disney princess?
Sleeping Beauty.
My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.
He was charged for impersonating a police officer.
Q: What's red during puberty?
A: The blood on my hands.
Why should you always wear rubber?
So you don’t leave DNA evidence.