Crime jokes
What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?
"Can I have a bodybag?"
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
Why can an orphan never get picked up?
Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL
What is the difference between an orphan and a robber?
One is wanted.
Why do orphans like pedos? Because they have someone to call "daddy."
I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.
I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.
What do you call the Gray Man in an electric chair? Fried Fish.
A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile. That's a big word for a six-year-old.
Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
What do James Doyle and Hannah Doyle have in common?
John fucked them both in the rear.
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?
“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”
Why did the MOSFET go to jail?
It had a charge for battery.
What did the cops say when someone called him racist?
"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."
I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
Who is Bill Cosby’s favorite Disney princess?
Sleeping Beauty.
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.
The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.