Children

Children Jokes

Pedophile

Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.

Dildo

20 years of sex in the dark, the wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick." The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch."

Randy

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.

But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.

Parent

When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.

  • 6
  • Accident

    Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.

    Orphan

    I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn't have a homepage.

    Grandpa

    Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."

    Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."

  • 9
  • Rave

    How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.

    Susie

    Why did Susie fall off the swing?

    Because she didn't have any arms.

    Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    Not Susie.

    Priest

    A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"

  • 8
  • Missing child

    My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."

    - One of the thousands of missing children.

  • 5