What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?
The Jackson 4.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.
But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they actually come back.
When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.
Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn't have a homepage.
Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."
Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.
How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
"Home Alone."
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she didn't have any arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
20 years of sex in the dark, the wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick." The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch."
What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Homemade cookies.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
Why can't orphans go on school field trips?
Parent Signature: _______
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"
My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."
- One of the thousands of missing children.
