Condom Jokes

who ever said condom YES DADDY

I though it would be fun to become a shooter. It became less fun when I realized that shooting a woman up also included a condom.

Only if Africans knew about condoms, so many mosquitoes wouldn't die of AIDS.

What's the difference between a used condom and the UCP? The condom was actually useful at one point.

True story: In 1986, in the midst of the HIV epidemic, they made condoms available to the public. At that time, me and my boyfriend were 13 years old. My boyfriend was so happy: "These will make great water balloons!" And I was even happier. I did not have to pack a lunch for school tomorrow, lol.

The image shows a meme with text at the top and a picture of a man looking bewildered at the bottom. The text reads: "Mom: 'Your sister is turning nine, buy a candle with the number on it.' Gf: 'Buy some condoms.' The cashier when I get to the counter:"

How can a pimp save money in buying condoms for his stable?

Answer: Have his hoes wash and rinse them after every use.

If you buy two condoms, but you're banging a woman, it's fine, don't throw it away, just make her transgender.

I dunno man, worked for me.

Tyler only has a kid because they don't make condoms the size of Lego Men.

Hogwarts is making a new condom. It's called "fetus deletus."

What do you call a fat bitch that eats cum from used condoms? Your mom!

What’s the difference between women and condoms ?

There isn’t a difference they’re both throw aways.

What did the dick say to the condom?

Cover me, I'm going in. 😚😏

Just before lockdown began, a woman took her 15-year-old son, Tom, and 14, 16, and 18-year-old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.

The weekly family Zoom call went well enough...until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14-year-old was looking a little...plump. By the 20th week, the 16-year-old's shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18-year-old's belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14-year-old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.

So the father waited until he'd talked to his wife and daughters, and then asked if he could talk to his son alone.

"Look, I know your mom and the girls are all pregnant. I'm not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don't have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?"

"No, Pop, we haven't seen anyone since we left the city," his son told him earnestly. "And we sure haven't gone into town for supplies, I ran out of condoms on the second day here!"

What did one condom say to the other condom as they were passing a gay bar? "Let's go get shit faced!"

If a gay white male with blond hair is a prostitute, you will get $175.00 back for a blowjob if you give him $20.00. If you give a can of sauerkraut to a gay white male that is a prostitute with blonde hair and who is also Polish, you will get the money back that he paid for the can of sauerkraut if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. And if you wanted a blowjob from a gay white male that is a prostitute that is Canadian and Polish with blond hair, you will get the money back he paid for the bottle of maple syrup at the grocery store if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. But if you wanted to fuck him up the ass, he will give you the money back that he paid for the can of Crisco and he will also give you the money back that he paid for the box of condoms and he will give you the change back that he paid for the box of tampons that he paid for his baby sister or you could get a free anonymous blowjob at an adult book store.