Condom jokes
Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?
Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!
Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?
Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!
Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?
Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...
TWO HOURS LATER
Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!
AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER
What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."
Another condom name is "Orphan's Home."
What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?
Condoms.
I thought it would be fun to become a shooter. It became less fun when I realized that "shooting a woman up" also included a condom.
A customer came to me and asked for condoms for tiny dicks.
Tyler: What's your favorite fruit?
Frankie: Pineapple duh, what's yours?
Tyler: Pineapple
Frankie: Wanna come over and watch some Netflix? I'm home alone.
Tyler: Absolutely!! What time should I be there?
Frankie: Right now.
Tyler: Sweet! Should I bring a condom?
Frankie: Now enough talk, let's fuck.
Tyler: I thought you never asked.
How do you play chess with a Catholic?
You put a condom on the bishop.
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
Your momma is so slutty, they hired her as a condom tester.
Why were condoms invented? So gay guys can have sword fights.
GBM when he sees Soph (gets a boner) and has sex with Soph but realizes he forgot to put on a condom. Soph: "This is why Arsenal fans are so deluded and retarded."
Normal Fans after they lose the game: Good game, you guys played really well. GBM: "BRO REF WHAT THE BLOODY HELL YOU DELUDED ASS RETARD, OMFG WE LOST BECAUSE OF THIS REF!"
Adapt: Hey Adapt, did you know you're smart? Smart for being retarded. Yo Adapt!! You're so stupid that you gave me your Roblox account info and you said thanks about it!!
Barca fans after the LFC vs Barca game: We bottled it, damn it, we'll win the Copa Del Rey tho. Commie after the LFC vs Barca game: "YOU NEVER WALK ALONEEEEEEEEEE" Normal People: I support only 1 team. Commie: I support Barca, LFC, and AEK!! And I'm the biggest plastic in the server!!
Why should you always wear rubber?
So you don’t leave DNA evidence.
What's worse than funny condom fails?
Jake Paul.
Burger King got Dairy Queen pregnant during sex, cause he forgot to wrap his Whopper.
What did the penis say to the condom?
"Cover me, I'm going in!"
What do the Twin Towers and my ad's condom both have in common?
They both broke and everybody cried.
Why were glow-in-the-dark condoms made?
To play Star Wars.