Condom jokes
What do you call the woman that fucked sooooooo many hunks to have the condom break and a failure to be born? Ur Mum.
When your brother sends you to go get a box of condoms for his b-day. (* *)
You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
Jack and Rose went on a cruise to do it in the water.
Jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.
Memes
What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."
What do you call a man with a Johnny on his nose? Fuck nose.
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)
A condom!
Why did two dumb blondes put condoms on the cow's udders because they wanted the cow to practice safe sex?
A customer came to me and asked for condoms for tiny dicks.
Burger King got Dairy Queen pregnant during sex, cause he forgot to wrap his Whopper.
Why were condoms invented? So gay guys can have sword fights.
How do you play chess with a Catholic?
You put a condom on the bishop.
My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are, "You're not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "You're right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"
Dad: Honey!
Mom: What?
Dad: All of the broken condoms are on the bed.
Mom: WHAT!?
Children: *staring*
Why did the Irishman use three condoms? To be sure, to be sure, to be sure!
Another condom name is "Orphan's Home."
Little off topic but...
Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.
Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.
Mum: Fair point.
Why is bungee jumping similar to a condom?
Because if the rubber snaps, you're fucked.