Condom jokes
You would think catholic churches would be in favor of condoms: less DNA evidence.
A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.
Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”
When your brother sends you to go get a box of condoms for his b-day. (* *)
What do you call the woman that fucked sooooooo many hunks to have the condom break and a failure to be born? Ur Mum.
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.
What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)
Jack and Rose went on a cruise to do it in the water.
Jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.
Another condom name is "Orphan's Home."
A customer came to me and asked for condoms for tiny dicks.
Why did two dumb blondes put condoms on the cow's udders because they wanted the cow to practice safe sex?
A condom!
Burger King got Dairy Queen pregnant during sex, cause he forgot to wrap his Whopper.
Why were condoms invented? So gay guys can have sword fights.
How do you play chess with a Catholic?
You put a condom on the bishop.
Dad: Honey!
Mom: What?
Dad: All of the broken condoms are on the bed.
Mom: WHAT!?
Children: *staring*
Why did the Irishman use three condoms? To be sure, to be sure, to be sure!
My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are, "You're not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "You're right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"
Your momma is so slutty, they hired her as a condom tester.