When your mum went to the UK and wore a yellow jacket, everyone started yelling "Taxi! Taxi!"
Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?
Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!
Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.
Hello, I am back with more mind-blowing facts.
1. Why are cookies called cookies and bacon called bacon when you bake cookies and cook bacon?
2. If you tuck your shirt into your trousers and it is called tucking your shirt in, does that mean if your shirt is over your trousers, doesn't that mean it's called tucking your trousers into your shirt?
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
Why did the sperm cross the road? ———— because I put on the wrong sock today.
Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?
What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.
P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.
I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.
Yo mama so fat, she has to use pillowcases for socks.
What do you call a crease join?
Hahaha
Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?
Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.
Why is the record for longest jump kept by an emo?
They're still hanging.
My wife is so fat. She buys her clothes at Tent & Awning!
I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.
Why is the divorce rate among socks so high?
Your sister is so short, she needs to roll up her panties.
What does Sonic wear when he goes to the beach? A speedo.
Why does Sonic wear gloves? Because his hands are cold.
A man went to buy 5 undies, so he said, "Hi, 5 undies, please, 1 for each weekday." Then another man comes and said, "Hi, 7 undies please, 1 for each day, and they'll finish cleaning by Sunday." So the cashier said, "Now that's more like it!" And then another person said, "Hi, 12 undies please, wait, I'm gonna double check... January... fe"
