Suspicion jokes
When I was 17, my mom’s door was always locked. I wonder what she was doing.
A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"
I don't trust trees...they look shady.
Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"
Mom: "He got inside a white van."
Ice cream truck drivers are the most sus people on earth. They’re adults who play children’s music and give ice cream to kids who approach their van.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating, and I said to her, "You're starting to sound like my wife."
"Among Us," dada.
I wasn't planning on going on a run, but those cops showed up out of nowhere.
They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.
I can also tell if they are standing.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he was arrested on suspicion of murder.
They told me I could never be an actor.
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.
Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.
"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."
"What's been going on, John?" I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!
When the imposter is sus! 😳
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They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair. The youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, "Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?" The wife says, "I swear to all that is holy, he is your son." Then the husband died and the wife muttered, "Thank god he didn't ask about the other three."
Are you happy to see me, or is that a bomb strapped to your chest and a detonator in your hand?
When I hired a Asian detective to see if my wife was cheating on me, I got this letter:
Mr. Wong - I see he, so I climb up tree. He knock on door and she let him in. She talks to him, he talks to she. He undresses she, she undresses he. She plays with he, he plays with she. I play with me, I fall out tree, I no see... No fee.