Suspicion jokes
I don't trust trees...they look shady.
I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.
I can also tell if they are standing.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating, and I said to her, "You're starting to sound like my wife."
When I was 17, my mom’s door was always locked. I wonder what she was doing.
I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
I wasn't planning on going on a run, but those cops showed up out of nowhere.
Are you happy to see me, or is that a bomb strapped to your chest and a detonator in your hand?
"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."
"What's been going on, John?" I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!
Why shouldn't you trust trees? Because they seem shady.
Ice cream truck drivers are the most sus people on earth. They’re adults who play children’s music and give ice cream to kids who approach their van.
A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"
Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"
Mom: "He got inside a white van."
How do you know when your wife is cheating on you?
She comes home with sparkles on her face.
They told me I could never be an actor.
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you!"
"I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."
When the Among Us has drip ඞ!
Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"